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Caption Competition picture of the month

September Competition
There were a lot of very excellent ones this month, but this one was kind of cute!

I'm a gonna sarge.... he's knocked the stuffing out of me!

by Shaun Simpson

Well done and thanks to everyone that entered!

I told you not to smoke that cigar!!!

by Clinton Smith

Trooper Parvan discovers the downside of hiding in his tunic the cigarette he was sneakily smoking when Section Leader Barzam made a surprise inspection.

by Slartibartfast

Survival tip No.1: when under-fire, hide behind a sheep.

by Halo

When Federation guards have to much time on their hands.
Man standing: OK 1, 2, 3 brappppp! Now guess what I ate for lunch.
Kneelimg man: Lets see, pizza, hot dogs, roast beef, chicken, blue limburger and a diet coke.
Standing man: Gotcha! You missed the pickles...i win.

by Santa's Head Elf

Fed 1: As I told you before, Fed 2, you're gonna regret that one last soma come morning.

by Octagonal

Federation stuffed toys: Crap

by Gnoll

Bill and Fred were bird watching when suddenly Fred dropped to his knees in pain and started screaming.
Bill: are you alwright.
Fred: No, I think I tore a hemroid with that last blast of gas.
Bill: I don't care if your dying, I'm not getting 10 feet near stink.
Fred: That's the last time I take a colon clener just before I go out.
Fred: c'mon Bill I can't walk.
Bill: You not only scared all the byrds, you killed them mister stinky man.

by The Man From A.N.K.L.E.

hey, did you just squeeze some cheese?

or has someone else floated that air biscuit?

by graeme_clayton

I told you to sift ONE cup of powdered sugar into the mix, not the whole bloody bag!

by AmandaB

Fed 2: I'll pretend to be Santa, while you get Blake.

by Jonny B

This beard is really getting in the way of my helmet....

by jason

Damn BBC special effects... mutter mutter

by James

A sheep! You're using a sheep as your new weapon!?!! Man we are not in New Zealand now, put that thing away!!!!

by James

Trooper: I'm melting... I'm melting!!!!

by Martin

It's a were-sheep!

by Currer

Argh! The cloud is shrinking me!

by Al

STANDING GUARD: Y'know, those stealth uniforms were only meant for when we were in the sky blending in with all the clouds...

by Currer

To give a them more friendly public image all Federation Guards were ordered to join 'SAVE THE FLUFFY CLOUDS' to promote a more public friendly immage. Unfortunatly high command did not bank on extreamists starting the 'FLUFFY CLOUD LIBERATION FRONT' and saving clouds from their rain making products testing lab.

by Al

BLAKE realized that there was something wrong with the plan to steal vital Federation coding equipment when he noticed that the " gaurds " were filled with itching power when shot.


Croching gaurd.. " Bye Jove missus, bye Jove ! What a wonderful day what a wonderful day for going up to your local vicer and.... " Standing gaurd ... " Will you quit it with the Ken Dodd impersinations ? "


" Mum`s gonna kill you when she see`s the state of your new uniform.. "


Fed 1: Did you have that Madras again? Mind you it makes good cover!

by Chris F

A poodle, I don't need no stinking poodle!

by Chris F

I know I'm no marketing man, but I don't see how these new fluffy uniforms are going to give us a more caring image.

by Steve Rogerson

'aaaaaah,better out than in'

by john holland

Crouching Guard: Mist! Mist!
Standing Guard: You try hitting them then!

by Helen

FED 2: Maybe if I take my clothes off and carry bows and arrows.
<bang as FED 1 commits suicide>

by Currer

FED 1: look, mate, the cloud and everything... I mean, Blake isn't stupid enough to think you're a cherub.
FED 2: Are you sure?

by Currer

TROOPER 1: Ever since I got my radiocative haeart transplant, I have been able to kill as many criminals as I desire.
VOICEOVER: Radioactive heart transplants - it's the way to go. Warning: product does cause passers-by to self-ignite.

by Ewen Campion-Clarke

I've told you before there's a time and a place for Ledgersermain.And the middle a battle isn't it!

by Vidar Raven

The new federation uniforms were bullet proof, laser proof, but, it seems, not sheep proof.

by Currer

DIRECTOR: No! That's for the special effects, you idiot. Oh no... there goes the mist for the spooky scene in "Duel"...

by Currer

That`s one HELL of a sherbet dab addiction you`ve got !


Federation guards discover that there is a really good reason why they weare gas masks

by Al

Soldier 1: This new pillow worked sir! They didn't manage to shoot me.
Soldier 2: Yes but you can't see them now can you!

by Jan

The Federation Guard was polite and sneezed into his (rather large) tissue.

by Currer

"Owing to the current shortage of Australian soap stars, Federation troopers will be modelling this season's new fleeces at Kayes."

by Jane Hammill

As propaganda Blake shone an x ray beam through the standing guards heart in a diversion. And, as you see, he appears to be made out of light!

by Currer


by Currer

STANDING GUARD: I know that you want to be more artistic, but you;re supposed the WAIT for the clouds before you see pictures in them- not bloody well make them!

by Currer

standing guard: ok, i know we accidently shot servalans pet poodle, but do you REALLY think she's gonna fall for that?
squatting guard: got a better idea?
standing guard: yeah. its called legging it.

by caz

kneeling blurk...LOOKA ME PALS, I'M DOUGAL!!!

by ssj imp

The Weather Forcast for today: Low isolated patches of fog.

by Matt

Dammit Dave, now you've gone and blown our special effects budget for season 4!

by Brenda

"I knew you guys were bottle fed !"

......."goo gah"

by Magic Pebble

"hoy yar !"

The Federation`s re-enactment of Bruce Lee`s classic
`The way of the exploding fist`
didn`t exactly go according to plan !

by Magic Pebble

Rehersals started early for this years Federation pantomime.....
`Snow White and the Blake`s 7 dwarfs`

by Magic Pebble

1st Guard "Rodney, you plonker!!!"
crouching Guard "Sorry Dell..."

by R Hobbs

First Guard "I see the special effects dept have cut the budget again"
Crouching Guard "Well at least we still got the helmets"

by R Hobbs

First Guard "How long do you think we can hide Jenna in here for?"
Crouching Guard "Jenna? I thought it was Servalan"

by R Hobbs

Standing guard: I think I'm hit! My shirt's glowing! I've got nuclear fallout, man!
Squatting guard: Shuddup and get down. If we hide behind this coolant vent they can't see us.

by Manda Benson

I said bring the synchroton cannon, not the bloody hookah!

by Manda Benson

It's a mad killer alien, not a mad killer fart. Honest.

by Manda Benson

Standing guard: What the hell did you press, man?!
Squatting guard: I dunno, but it didn't work. I think someone's sabotaged our equipment.

by Manda Benson

And the Federation are defeated!... By freak weather conditions.

by Manda Benson

Squatting guard: This new drug they're issuing really steadies the nerves.
Standing guard: Yes, but you're supposed to snort it in, not out, fool.

by Manda Benson

Standing guard: Uuurgh! What the hell did'ja have to go and do that for? My vision's going funny. I feel quite faint.
Squatting guard: Groan. I knew I shouldn't have eaten all those beans.

by Manda Benson

guard 1...heh heh, the action figures were gonna be made into will look cool.
guard what will mine be called?, 'stupid federation security guard'?.
guard 1... you said it mate, not me.

by ssj imp

Due to budget constraints,the actors,Gareth Thomas and Paul Darrow find themselves doubling as federation guards. Take:39,finds our heroes...
Gareth:(to,Paul)"I can live with being an extra.
But,darn it,why do I have to use the exploding gun"?
Paul:(to,Gareth,staring straight ahead,trying to look dangerous.) "I,of course,have a no-exploding
gun clause in my contract."
Gareth:(to,Paul) "It figures...Damn gun...That's
it,after season-two, I'm outta here."
Paul(to Gareth,a vicious sneer cannot be seen under the mask)"oh,you WILL be back. And,guess what I have in store for you at the end of Season
Director:(To all)"Take FORTY"


Trooper 1: Yo trevor, whatchya dooing ?
Trooper 2: WUUUZZZAAaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !


by DNX Matrix -

Bill: What the crap, is that smoke?
Brat: No it's some kind of cloud.
Bill: can it make you sick?
Brat: Well I know one thing, I fill sleepy.
Bill: Nooooooo, it's some sort of sleeping gas.
Brat: thats not it, I just didn't get any sleep last night.
Bill: Ok, so why are we standing here again.
Brat: Were getting are picture taking, dummy!!!

by NeoKi

Tropper 1: Damn it trevor, told u not to snork that stuff till we got home !!!!!!!

Trooper 2: Aahhhh CHHOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooohhhh ! Sniff!......

by DNX Matrix (

That's another exploding gun. You hold the propl guy's arms behind his back I'll punch him!

by Al

"Ooops, my talcum powder exploded,"
"Are you sure it's talcum powder?"
"Of course, us guards can't be on drugs,"
"I agree,"
"Nor can that green and pink elephant,"

by Currer

The Federation guard decided to fire his gun at the EXACT same time that he broke wind as a double weapon. Or, at least, that's what he told his mates at the pub.

by Currer

THE GREAT WONZO: And I make this sheep appear out of thin air!
VILA: Encore!
THE GREAT WONZO: I will now make an elephant appear.
OTHER FED: Uh oh...

by Currer

AVON: <off set> Er, Blake, is this HONESTLY the secret weapon you've been telling us about all this time?

by Currer

And here we are, outside the Federation building, for the first time ever we witness the sport of Sheep-Man wrestling. And it appears that the sheep is winning!
AVON AND CALLY: Go sheep! Go sheep!
BLAKE AND GAN: C'mon you humans!

by Currer

Trooper (standing) : Y'know Roger, I told you wearing arctic camouflage around here wouldn't help you one bit. You look rather silly.

by Fish

And you wonder why we have to keep wearing these stupid masks?

by Shaun Simpson

SHAWN THE SHEEP: Uh, sorry guys, wrong film!

by Currer

Fred and Bill were deer hunting when suddenly bill spotted a rabbit. Fred fired his gun which was loaded with Gold Bond Powder. Bill thought it was cocaine and inhaled every last particle. Fred was very upset and went home. Bill stood frozen for 15 hours and claimed he saw little green men on his pant leg.

by Agnes of Rottingham Square

kneeling man......"just call me 'fluffy'"
standing man...... "this is what you get when cousins marry"

by ssj imp

Don't you think we should be shooting this scene INSIDE the studio set?

by Ash

Fed1: Nice shawl Fred, but do you think it's appropriate when we're on duty?

Fed2: Thanks Bob. It's so hard to accessorise with these bland uniforms. I think I'll wear my tiara tomorrow.

by Matt

As the powder started to settle, Bob realised his friend's coke habit had gotten out of hand.

by Matt

Bob and fred go for a ride in the motorbike and side car, forgetting that they dont actually own one!

by Paul Maddox

[Jenna, behind camera] "Is that a gun shot or are you just pleased to see me?"

by Paul Maddox

[standing Guard] "Geeze fred, I warned you about re-heating that Vindaloo!"
[guard sitting, fred] <cough> <cough>

by Paul Maddox

I told the section leader not to buy these guns from "Restal & Melanbys Reliable Firearms Emporium"

by Vidar Raven

FIRST FED: Hey, man, I told you not to eat the beans.

by Currer

Monkey and Pigsy join the Federation.

by Martin

Avon: {Off-screen} Hey! The Feds are employing actors from Dynasty! Kill 'em!

by Martin

Tropper: O NO! We're being attacked by killer sheep!!! O please save me! I'll never smoke from a bong again! We're all gonna die!!!!

Other tropper: Get it together man! Thats the smoke from your bong you idiot!

Tropper: We're all gonna...die?...oh<pause> I though the sheep had a rather pleasent smell to it.

by Iva Peninhand

You know this wouldn't have happened if we bought our guns on line at

by Hank

April fools day at the Federation.

by Bongo

Man standig: Brrrrrappppp. Sorry about that. I had an extra helping of beans for lunch.

by Nancy The Nose Picker

When Private Barns was ordered to use the smoke bomb, it never occured to him that he was suppose to throw it!

by cmdahms

Damn it sarge they've hit my compact

by Vidar Raven

man two..dammit, these special effects get worse

by ssj imp

man two..awwwwww crap.
man one.. ha ha, april fool!

by ssj imp



observer...bloody postal workers

by ssj imp

thats a very bad cold you have got

by john mccauley

Man standing: Your private life is your private life, officer, but just HOW MANY times do I have to tell you not to wear Servalan's cast-offs in *public*!

by Servalan's sister

sectoion leader it's no use,they're throwing flour bags at us.

by Vidar Raven

Are you shore this will get us the cover of guns and amo

by Vidar raven

Look for the hundreth time clen your gun and you'll avoid all that back spray.

by Vidar Raven

You idiot I said kill not smoke screen!

by Vidar Raven

Sarge someones's been messing with my gun again

by Vidar Raven

1...Oh you only shot Gan he's only worth 10 points I got Blake Ha Ha!
2...Shut up! It's my gun, it's broken!

by Al

Avon: {Off-screen} Welcome to this week's meeting of the anti-social behaviour club. Our special guests this week - a smoker and a flasher.

by Martin

Trooper 1: Wow, I got this spaced out feelin' in my head, man...

by Martin

1.I've come over all fluffy Dave
3.I don'r like serving this repressive regeime anymore, I want to see trees and flowers and fluffy sheep....

by Travis

Oh man, when Travis finds out you've broken his favourite bong...

by Dave B

Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!

by Ash

I tell you, don't have the chilli pizza!

by Ash

Go buy your own damn candy floss, there's a stall just around the corner.

by Dave B

Oi! You put that stuffing back in my teddy else I'll shoot!

by Mistress Tufty

Ok, very funny.. who put the flour bombs in my gun?

by Dave B

Arggh Killer Sheep!

by Booker

Untitled Document

View the Results from the following months

June 2000

July 2000

August 2000

September 2000

October 2000

November 2000

December 2000

January 2001

February 2001

March 2001

April 2001

May 2001

June 2001

July 2001

August 2001

September 2001

November 2001

December 2001

January 2002


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