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thunda



Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Kaldor City

PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.




Breaking News; Search ships sifted through the wreckage of the Liberator and managed to find the bodies of Servalanís crew but found no trace of the President.



File: Rescue



Teams searching the planet Terminal discovered the remains of the alien criminal Cally ďColdheartĒ killed in what appeared to be an explosion most likely set by one of her companions (no honor among thieves).

Long range scanners identified a freight ship Scorpio registered to an individual named Dorian leaving the planet. Federation files on Dorian go back over two hundred years (that canít be possible. Have to tell tech guys to check that) Heís wanted for questioning in the disappearance of several people including his partner. Recently heís been known to keep company with a female gun for hire named Soolin (not sure if thatís her first or last name).Reports say he worked with Professor Ensor over forty years ago (again, have to check that) and picked up several times intoxicated ranting about horrors and monsters living in caves.






Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from the planet Tarsius. Sel wants to know, ďwhat is the strongest metal?Ē Herculanium. Strongest known metal in the universe.


This has been trooper Pouthmiece. Fed Trooper
From strength to unity.
_________________
"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion
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thunda



Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Kaldor City

PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 6:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece back again with the latest Federation news.




Breaking News; Search for Scorpio continues



File: Power

Well, I did some further checking into that Dorian bloke, turns out he would travel to Onus Two telling tales about the planet he was on being inhabited by gorgeous single women (point ne in the right direction). He claimed to have a deal with them, bringing nutrients in exchange for technical assistance with tele-ergonomics (huh?) . But according to him the world also had a tribe of barbaric males and the sides were at war (battle of the sexes? Ridiculous. Bloody nutter). And, get this, the females had the greater technology plus telekinesis but were losing. The captives were forced to bear children with the daughters left to die (wait, that doesnít make sense. Wonít the males eventually die out?). Sooner we find this planet the sooner we can put it under Federation control.





Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Rol of planet Earth. Rol wants to know why are my shows becoming so infrequent. Well, Rol, as a Federation trooper Iím on call twenty five hours a day. Sometimes business gets in the way of pleasure. Iíll try to do better, Rol, and thanks for the question.


This has been trooper Pouthmiece. Fed Trooper
_________________
"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion
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thunda



Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Kaldor City

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece here again with the latest Federation news.




Breaking News; Helotrix Regent assassinated.



File: Traitor

Planet Helotrix in sector 4 is one of the oldest Earth colonies and one of the first to be granted independence had voted to rejoin the empire weeks ago (way to go guys) but apparently there were some sore losers. Insurgents led by the terrorist calling himself Star Major Hunda, former assistant professor at Leedenbrank (funny how these civilians give themselves impressive military ranks) is believed to be responsible for the murder of President elect Practor. His excellency was found in his quarters dead from a plasma blast wound.
The Helots, who are known for being marvelous fighters, especially at close quarters (nearly on a level with Federation troopers), have been waging a winning battle against extremists who have been attempting to destabilize the legitimate government. Commissioner Sleer, creator of the pacification program, which is helping the new administration adjust during the transition period, is in charge of the investigation.

Planetary sensors indicated that the Scorpio was in orbit after Orac was thwarted from hacking into Federation military computers. Two of Avonís gang were also spotted on the planet and believed to have given aid to the rabble.


On another sad note, itís with deep regret we announce the passing of Doctor Forbus. The good doctor finally succumbed to a rare genetic disease he had been battling for years was found in his laboratory. Doctor Forbus was a renowned chemist working on Helotrix to provide its inhabitants with better lives. Dr. Forbus and President elect Practor will both be missed.







Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Tavid from planet Zondawl; ďwhat happened to the guests for this season you told us about?Ē Weíll have a guest on our next show, Tavid. Thanks for writing.


This has been trooper Pouthmiece. Fed Trooper
From strength to unity.
_________________
"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion
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thunda



Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Kaldor City

PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 4:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece here again with the latest Federation news.




Breaking News; Former head of Federation Space Drive Center believed dead


File: Stardrive

Weíll get to the breaking news in a moment but first we have a special guest on todayís show.
Thank you for taking the time to join us, ex-citizen Bigg.



Brigg


Pardon?

Name, Brigg


Okay, ex-citizen Brigg, welcome to the show. Let me apologize for the manacles but Federation rules are specific about prisoners and we have expensive equipment here. So, youíre a member of the gang, Space Cats

Space Rats


Oh, Space Rats. That sounds much more impressive. Just how did your gang get the name Space Rats?

Speed. Rats need speed. Space needs rats. Been like that for centuries.


That doesnít make any ... okay, letís move on. What made you want to become a Space rat?

Sex, violence, booze, speed.



And whatís it like to be in the Space Rats?

Sex, violence, booze, speed.


Have you ever seen a crimino therapist?

Seen plenty.


So letís get to business. Weíre hoping you can shed some light on this Stardrive case. Federation Interceptors detected the disabled Scorpio which had attempted to sneak into the Altern system using an asteroid for cover (thatís insane). After relaying the information our ships then exploded. I assume your group had something to do with that.

Ha ha. Space Rat cycles go bang. Federation ships go splat. Ha ha ha.


Yes, very funny (bloody nutter). Our scientists estimate your craft attained speeds of Time Distort twelve. Impressive. How did you manage that?

Speed doctor make our choppers fast. Space choppers make Federation ships go splat.


Dr. Plaxton, disappeared 3 years ago. Intelligence tracked her to Caspar. From what I understand the Space Rats are based on Caspar Sector five. Was she your speed doctor?

Speed doctor make our choppers fast. Space choppers make Federation ships go splat.


The Space Rats are wanted for multiple thefts on a dozen worlds. Our theory is that your Space Rats were stealing raw materials for a prototype photonic space drive. Then forced Dr. Plaxton to build it. Is that correct?

Speed doctor make our choppers fast. Space choppers make Federation ships go splat.


The Federationís most brilliant head of the Federation space drive research center designer and you used her to trick out your space choppers. Is that the best you could come up with?

Speed doctor make our choppers fast. Space choppers make Federation ships go splat. Sex, violence, booze, speed.



(Bloody nutter) The remains of technician Napier, Dr. Plaxtonís assistant was discovered on the planet. Did the Space Rats have anything to do with that?

Old gook deprive Space Rats of speed. We bend, he break.


Our reports state that the body of your leader, a Federation outlaw named Atlan, along with corpses of several strangely garbed individuals was also found.

Atlan, Bomber, Johns, hunt gooks. Go splat.


Our understanding is that Dr. Plaxton was kidnapped by a man called Avon and his group, forced to upgrade their engines and later disposed of.

Fragging gooks take speed doctor. Atlan, Bomber, Johns, hunt gooks. Go splat.


And without her to maintain your vehicles you were just another gang. Looks like thatís all the time we have. Thank you for stopping by ex-citizen Brigg. These troopers will escort you to the shuttle that will take you to Cygnus Alpha.

Gook.















Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Klun of Palmero (they grow excellent fruit) which fits in with todayís show. Klun wants to know what a space chopper is. A space chopper is a single seat leisure vehicles capable of space travel. They were outlawed two centuries ago and now the only legal ones reside in the transport museum. Thanks for the question.


This has been trooper Pouthmiece. Fed Trooper
From strength to unity.
_________________
"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion
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thunda



Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Kaldor City

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece here again with the latest news.


Hey everyone, Iím finally back. Youíre probably wondering what took so long for this show, while I canít be specific I will say Iím doing some investigative reporting which Iíll expand on at a later date.

Breaking News; Renegade scientist doing unlawful genetic experiments

Federation rules prohibit me from drinking on duty but after this show Iím drowning myself in some soma. And believe me itís going to take a lot to forget this mess. Not sure where to start with this stinker. Okay, letís try the beginning. This information was gathered from various Federation reports.


File: Animals

A Federation pursuit unit detected a unidentified planet hopper hoovering above the planet Bucol Two. When a typical stand and be search order was refused the unit opened fire. Although damage was inflicted the planet hopper proved to be more than an ordinary cargo ship as it accelerated at time distort twelve out distancing the pursuit ships. Commissioner Sleer received the report and opened an investigation.

It was uncovered that Bucol Two was home to a top secret Federation project during the Andromedan war that was attempting to discover a way to combat and ultimately neutralize radioactive contamination by genetically strengthening the immune system. Chief scientist was a doctor named Justin Moreau (l believe thatís his last name). The project was shut down when it was discovered Justin was experimenting on Federation soldiers (the son of a b@#$h). So he deserted and turned full blown mad scientist (and soma-holic). It gets weirder.
Turns out Dayna Mellanby had a relationship with Justin so Avon sent her in an attempt to recruit him. Avon and his crew believed Justinís work might be useful for when they went into radioactive areas (although why they would go into radioactive areas is beyond me). So on the planet of Doctor Moreau he had a lab where he was experimenting with animals trying to turn them into humans. (Are we not men?) For reasons unknown Dayna left the laboratory and tried to pet one of the experiments and was promptly attacked. Commissioner Sleer arrived just in time to save Dayna and gave her proper medical care on the condition she initiate a deal with Justin. In order to provide treatment for those poor creatures (Probably would have been a good idea to ask her where her cohorts were). So, Dayna was sent to talk to Justin because they had some sort of romantic relationship approximately six years ago, hold on..how old is she again? Early twenties? And how long ago was this? About six years? So that would have made her...(Bloody hell! Are you @#$%ing kidding me?) Okay, letís move on..
Dayna managed to convince mad scientist Justin to cooperate but Avon and his rebels arrived with intentions on using the creatures for themselves. They attacked and although Sleer and her team did their best to protect Justin and his experiments the rebels slaughtered them. (I need a hot bath and a cold drink after this one)

Unfortunately when Commissioner Sleer returned with reinforcements, Justinís experiments, without anyone to provide food, were found dead of starvation.








Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Karfan of Betafarl; ďT.P., why didnít you wish everyone Merry Christmas or Happy New Year?Ē
The Terran Federation did away with religion centuries ago just before the new calendar was started . Since then our planets have enjoyed peace and prosperity while abolished sexism, racism, and sexuality intolerance. While your planet might still have those antiquated notions weíve found that religion and holidays impede unity. Once your planet is under Federation control (and according to reports should be within a year) and our rules are established youíll see the improvement. Thanks for the question (see you soon).


This has been trooper Pouthmiece. Fed Trooper
From strength to unity.
_________________
"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion
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thunda



Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Kaldor City

PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 4:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece here again with the latest news.


Hey everyone, Iím back again. I know you all are wondering why thereís so much time in between shows and while I canít tell you everything I will tell you Iím tracking down leads concerning a theat to the Federation. Stay tuned.

Breaking News; Artificial Intelligence achieved?




File: Headhunter



We have a very special guest today; the famed Dr. Muller, expert in cybernetics. Some of you may not recognize the name because he works for the Robot Development Cartel, which is based on a non Federation(for the moment) planet called Phaeos, but heís said to be a greater genius than his teacher Professor Ensor, Dr. Muller is here to talk about his latest breakthrough, a sentient android.



TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Dr. Muller, rumor has it youíve perfected artificial intelligence. Could you elaborate?
TECHNICIAN 241: Iím sorry but thereís been some mistake. Iím not Dr. Muller.

TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Pardon?
TECHNICIAN 241: Iím not Muller, Iím Technician Two Four One.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Technician Two Four One? I see. So will Dr. Muller be joining us later?

TECHNICIAN 241: No. Iím afraid Muller is dead.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Dead?
TECHNICIAN 241: Yes, dead. The RDC sent me in his place.



TROOPER POUTHMIECE: My condolences (so much for todayís show) . Were you his assistant?
TECHNICIAN 241: No.




TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Part of his research team?
TECHNICIAN 241: No.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Working on his project?
TECHNICIAN 241: No.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: (Okay, this is going to be a long day.) Sir, wasting a Federation trooperís time is a felony offense. Perhaps you could shed some light on his death.
TECHNICIAN 241: Muller was murdered.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Murdered? Well now weíre getting somewhere. Please start at the beginning.
TECHNICIAN 241: Certainly. It started when the alarm went off signaling an all sections security alert. An unidentified ship, later confirmed as Scorpio, had been detected in unauthorized geo-stationary orbit and anti-spy systems were put into operation. I rushed to Mullerís lab to check on him and when I found him he pointed to the table containing his androidís inhibitor system. Thatís when it happened.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: What happened? You saw his murderer? You killed him? Are you here to confess? That would be great for ratings!
TECHNICIAN 241: Everything went black. Someone must have hit me on the head from behind. When I woke up I saw Mullerís headless corpse lying on the floor. The box missing.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Excuse me, but did you say headless?
TECHNICIAN 241: Yes. DNA tests later revealed the corpse to be Muller but the head was missing. And no sign of his creation.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Could you explain more about that box?
TECHNICIAN 241: Muller claimed to have created the perfect android. A humanoid robot with artificial intelligence. Unfortunately it would have no morals of its own so an inhibitor was built into its head to act as sort of a conscience.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Thatís amazing. Even Federation scientists havenít advanced that far yet. Please continue.
TECHNICIAN 241: At first we believed he was killed by outside forces but after reviewing his notes the conclusion was reached that Muller was planning on joining up with the Federation rebel called Avon but his creation activated prematurely then decapitated him and used his head to fool the crew of Scorpio into teleporting it on board.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Wait a minute, letís go back to the android wearing its creatorís head. How the hell could Avonís crew be fooled by that.
TECHNICIAN 241: Schematics show that it had the ability to manipulate electronics, so once aboard the Scorpio it would be simple enough to manipulate the crew into teleporting it to the surface.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: That doesnít answer my --
TECHNICIAN 241: Muller was a student of Professor Ensor. His lifeís dream was to prove himself a superior genius by creating the ultimate artificial intelligence. Unfortunately the android activated and achieved awareness before he could place its inhibitor system on its head and it set out on its ultimate goal.

TROOPER POUTHMIECE: What exactly was its goal?
TECHNICIAN 241: The goal of every living thing, self preservation. And the only way it would truly be safe was if every living thing was under its control. Enslavement or elimination. Joining with Orac would make that possible.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: So thereís an android and a computer out there ready to take over the galaxy? Am I going to have call in a Red One mobilization?
TECHNICIAN 241: Not likely. We concluded that after a week since the android disappeared yet all electronic systems were functioning normally it must have been destroyed by Avon and his crew before it could link with Orac. So humanity is safe.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Thatís a relief. Thank you Technician Two Four One, this turned out to be a productive interview. You can give your complete statement at Federation High Command to one of our inspectors.
TECHNICIAN 241: I donít understand.


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Muller willfully plotted to conspire with wanted fugitives of the Federation.
TECHNICIAN 241: Yes, but..


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: He did so while actively employed by the Robot Development Cartel.
TECHNICIAN 241: Yes, but..


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Which makes the RDC partially liable.
TECHNICIAN 241: Yes, but..


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: And youíre a representative of the Robot Development Cartel
TECHNICIAN 241: Yes, but..


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Which means legally youíre an accomplice. Iím afraid youíre under arrest Technician Two Four One.
TECHNICIAN 241: ..but...


TROOPER POUTHMIECE: Guards.




Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Yarqua Trel of Disentastra. Yarqua inquires whether I know how to pilot a pursuit ship. No, but after a late night of drinking I can sure throw up in one. Heh heh, some trooper humor. Thanks for the question.



This has been trooper Pouthmiece. Fed Trooper
From strength to unity.
_________________
"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion
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thunda



Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Kaldor City

PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2018 6:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece here again with the latest news.


Breaking News; Trooper Pouthmiece returns after long absence.


Hello everyone! Guess whoís back? I apologize for being gone for so long but you have to remember old T.P. is still on active duty and subject to being sent some place at a moments notice. Thatís the life of a Federation trooper. Thank you for being patient and I hope you enjoyed the showís re-runs that were broadcast for the last few months but now itís time for a new one. So sit back, get some refreshments and let me fill you in on the latest news.
.

File: Assassin

Several months ago our intelligence agency had information that someone had hired an assassin to eliminate ServaĖ, I mean Commissioner Sleer. Not just any assassin but Cancer who is reportedly the deadliest, most expensive killer in the Quadrant. So elusive that no one knew Cancerís identity. So naturally I was chosen to be part of the personal guard that would accompanied ServaĖ, I mean Commissioner Sleer to the planet Domo where she was to conduct a humanitarian mission. Domoís not in Federation territory (yet) so only a small group was allowed to travel with her, didnít want to make it seem like an invasion (yet). The Commissioner was sent to the planet to make a formal complaint about Domoís policy of harboring pirates and conducting slavery(and yes I realize that the Federation also has slavery).
In the middle of negotiations Avon and Dayna made a surprise attack in an attempt to assassinate the Commissioner but you know thatís not about to happen on my watch. Avon and his accomplice were driven off but not before murdering some of the planetís security guards and taking several innocent civilians hostage and teleporting away. Commissioner Sleer gave the order to pursue them only to be ambushed by Cancerís ship who was apparently hired by Avon. After making several attempts to get him (or her) to surrender he (or she) opened fire on us. Left with no choice Sleer returned fire destroying Cancerís ship. Itís believed that Avon and his crew were not on board but Cancer and the hostages are believed dead. More blood on your hands, Avon. Itís always unfortunate when civilians get caught in the line of fire but on the bright side Servaó, I mean Sleer is safe (and letís face it, those werenít Federation civilians). Cancerís identity will remain a mystery.




Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Nator of Vilker; ďWhat is pataki cake and where can I find it?Ē Well, pataki cake is an intoxicant distilled from the venom of a particular reptile. Itís known to be highly stimulating and addictive. It is illegal in Federation territory. Stay away from it, and if someone offers it to you contact your local authorities or nearest Federation trooper.



This has been trooper Pouthmiece. Fed Trooper
From strength to unity.
_________________
"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion
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thunda



Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Kaldor City

PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 5:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greetings to all current and soon to be Federation citizens. Trooper Pouthmiece here again with the latest news.


Breaking News; Explosion on planet Agravo thousands feared dead. Rebels believed responsible. More details as they come in.


Breaking News; Unlimited energy source discovered? Fact or fiction?


File: Games

Iím sure most of you have heard of Feldon crystals, the hardest know subject in the universe, but Federation scientists believe they hold the key to energy of the future. Feldon concentrates energy including energy from distant stars so the potential of Feldon power systems is capable of making a minus two fifty degree planet workable or providing a clean, environmentally safe source of power that would lower your electric bills. The Federation had operations planned on nine planets previously considered uninhabitable and invested two hundred billion (yes, you read that correctly) credits in the project. That means more jobs for Federation citizens. Unfortunately it's extremely rare, there are virtually no Feldon crystals left ,with only traces found in the asteroid belt and on a few insignificant planets. Mecron 2 being one.

After accidents to the previous survey team on the planet and decreased production Commissioner Sleer was sent to investigate because with opportunity comes the potential for greed and that usually leads to corruption. Operations supervisor and 3D chess master Belkov was paid a generous amount of credits for results so Sleer was in no mood for games. She charged him with a range of crimes from fraud to inciting the indigenous population against Federation troopers. Before he could be taken into custody Belkov committed suicide by piloting his ship into Cygnus XL, a black hole. Also apprehended was team survey leader Geologist Gerren who confessed to working with rebel Avon to embezzle millions of credits from the Federation (those are your taxes people). Federation forces have been dispatched to re-pacify the Mecronians. The case is ongoing.






Ask Trooper Pouthmiece:

This weekís question is from Taishu of Lindor. Taishu wants to know why there are Federation troops are Lindor. Well Tai Iím no politician so I wonít give a diplomatic answer. Apparently different factions on your planet couldnít agree on various things and that led to violence. In order to keep Lindor from tearing itself apart with civil war and perhaps spreading chaos throughout the quadrant the Federation was asked by your officials to act as a peace keeping force. Weíre happy to remain there as long as needed. Thanks for the question.


This has been trooper Pouthmiece. Fed Trooper
From strength to unity.
_________________
"Women, food, and inflicting pain -- in no particular order."
- The Fifth Legion
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