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OCTOBER
2000
Hee Hee - liked this one!
Sorry, I didn't
mean to pee on you, I thought you were a statue
 by Steve R
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Here are the
rest of the entries:
if only vivian
westwood could see you guys now
by johnny woof
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Vila: Thanks
to the caption competition. I've been standing here for well over
a month and have been saying all sorts of cheeky things. That I
shouldn't really be saying to two federation guards that have blank
expressionless faces while they both carry scary guns. And yet I
still smile away. Why? Half because i'm Vila and half because i
keep getting myself into the strangest predicuments.
by Luke Sutton
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Vila: What do
you mean i've put too much aftershave on? I'm telling you the women
like it this way.
by Luke Sutton
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Vila: So you
are the two that are defecting from Servalans methane factory.
by Luke Sutton
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Villa "It`s
just not worth buying cheap razors is it !!!"
Guard "Watch it shorty"
by Magic pebble
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VILA: I'M TOO
SEXY FOR A GAS MASK. TOO SEXY FOR A GAS MASK. SO SEXY IT HURTS.
I'M A MODEL YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN AND I DO MY LITTLE TURN ON THE
CATWALK. YEAH ON THE CATWALK. YEAH I DO MY LITTLE TURN ON THE CATWALK.
( THE GUARDS ARE BOTH SHOCKED AND RELIEVED THAT THEY ARE WEARING
A GAS MASK )
by LUKE SUTTON
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VILA: I'M TOO
SEXY FOR A GAS MASK. TOO SEXY FOR A GAS MASK. SO SEXY IT HURTS.
by LUKE SUTTON
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VILA: I'M TELLING
YOU. SPACE MART HAS THESE BRIGHT RED LARGE COLLARED TOPS GOING FOR
HALF PRICE
by LUKE SUTTON
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VILA: SO LET
ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU TRACKED ME DOWN BECAUSE YOU HEARD THAT
I WAS A LOCK PICKER AND YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU OUT OF THOSE SUITS.
by LUKE SUTTON
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VILA: NOW I
WANT YOU TWO TO JUMP OUT OF AVONS BIRTHDAY CAKE WHEN HE GOES TO
BLOW OUT THE CANDLES. WE'LL GIVE HIM A SURPRISE HE WILL NEVER FORGET.
by LUKE SUTTON
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Life`s cruel
for ex federation troopers....
Villa "I remember the first time I got shot out of a cannon
!"
Guard 1 "We`re auditioning for `Blind Date`.
Guard 2 "Yeah , we hear she`s a real femme fatale , so we thought
we`d better dress to kill !"
Villa.....Think I`ll stick to Punch and Judy.
by Magic pebble
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Vila : "Hey
now, I know its raining and we're flooded, but arent you guys takeing
the waterproofs a bit too far?"
by Paul Maddox
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I know I have
bad hygene but really.
by peter
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Vila:"I
KNOW THE TOILET'S FLOODED, HAVEN'T YOU FOUND A BETTER SOLUTION THAN
USING A PLUNGER!!! Take my advice, when gan has used the bathroom,
it takes a jack hammer!!!
by Don
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Vila: What happens
when you sit on a federation guard's chest?
Guard(rolling eyes): I have no idea,what is the answer?
Vila: You give him a guard attack! Ha ha ha. Get it, Heart attack,
guard attack....WHAT?
by Lechar
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Vila: Hey you
guys, want to watch me light me bum farts! Guard: Is there somthing
wrong with you!? Vila: I have a stressful job.
by Lechar
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Villa: Hey guys,
wanna see pictures of Servalan lighting her bum gas?
by izystilldead
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Villa: I say
old chaps, do either one of you havea tube of Preperation H, Me
bum itches!!!
by izzystilldead
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Vila: Hey, you
stupid guaurds, holloween is over!
by Lechar
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VILA: so let
me get this right, I can get to the main reactor by turning left
at the traffic lights and then taking the first right, cheers
by Al Henderson
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Hey, I'm sure
your helmets end up in an episode of "Doctor Who" (Frontios)
in about 5 years time.
by Dave Jones
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Vila: Have you
found that skunk yet?
Fed Guard: Nope!
by Luke Sutton
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Vila: Have you
found that skunk yet?
by Luke Sutton
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Those are the
worst Darth Vader costumes I have EVER
seen!
by Roderick
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Vila: Whaaaaaaaaaaat's
uuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!!
by An Avon Angel
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What do you
mean I need to have a mask for servalans halloween bash, can't you
see, i am dressed up as vila restal!!!
by Don (all for Avon!!!)
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Vila: "You
may have spotted me eating that garlic before, but I think you're
going over the top with the gas masks!"
by Bayban the Baker
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Vila: Don't
you hate it when someone else decides to wear exactly the same thing
that you are wearing. I don't seem to have that problem though.
by Luke Sutton
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VILA: Whaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzz
up?
by Al Henderson
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VILA: sorry
someones sitting there mate
by Al Henderson
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Vila:Excuse
me, is this Butlins?, only I`m the new red coat and i`ve seem to
have lost my way
by shaza
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is that the
new fasion or are you from wales
by anthony case
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Vila: "S'cuse
me, I hate to bother you, but - I'm REALLY sorry - but you're standing
on my foot you see, and........ Oh, I see, er - look, don't worry
about it! I'm quite comfy like this really...."
by Claire
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Vila: Knock
knock
Fed Guards: (sigh) who's there?
vila: Fed Guards
Fed Guards: Fed Guards who?
Vila: Fed guard sake, smile you misterable mingers!!
(bang)
by Royal ER
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Vila: Knock
knock !!
by Royal ER
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Vila: And then
the daddy bear said whos been sleeping in my bed....
by Ted
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Villa: So let
me get this straight, you both come from the same mother?
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: What
do you mean that your ashamed of your six dollar hair cut? I'm not!
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: Look
at this funny face.
( The guards try desperately not to laugh knowing that the queen
Elizabeth would fire them.)
by Luke Sutton
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VILA: Ahhhh,
so that what GIMPS look like! I guess the lump is the ball-gag?
GUARD: hmmppphhh
VILA: thought so..
by Paul Maddox
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Villa: So let
me get this straight. The green head band means you are a siamese
twin?
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: I'm a
little teapot short and stout.
( The federation guards are shocked as they get a close up view
of their enemy! )
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: Have
you heard this one, why did the federation guard cross the road?
by Luke Sutton
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Guard: How come
your so happy?
Vila: I just farted.
by Lechar
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Vila stares
at the guards for a moment and smiles knowing that he just performed
the silent but deadly one cheak sneek.
by Izzy
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Vila stares
at the federation guards for a moment....
Vila: Wow, i thought i was bad looking!
by Lechar
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Vila: Ok fellows,
you can take your maskes off now, i farted over half an hour ago!
by Izzy
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Vila: Those
are the worst holloween costumes I've ever seen.
by Izzy
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welcome to the
federations largest methane recycling plant
by by ms american pie
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Villa: That's
brilliant Blake steal one of the uniforms and dress up as a federation
guard and then we can just walk straight in this power plant. Blake?
Blake that is you isn't it?
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: I was
wondering if one of you two gentleman could help me? I seem to have
my you know, stuck in my zipper.
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: Are you
two clones?
by Luke Sutton
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Vila: hello,
do you now where the bathroom is, I REALY HAVE TO GO!!!!!
by My name is stoopid
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Vila: Now I
know you haven't heard this one - two Federation Troopers walk into
a bar....
by Skyline
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vila: Now once
upon a time in a galaxy far far away...Oh so you've heard it!
by Skyline
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Vila: And then
I said...
Guard(wispering to other guard): Dear god I cant stand these bloddy
tourists anymore.
by Lechar
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Vila: Would
you chaps mind helping me out a bit. You see, my Mum tould me if
kept making this face it would freeze... and umm, it did.
by Lechar
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Vila: Why Yes,
the jumper did come from Woolworths - how did you guess ?
by Skyline
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You're smoking
in there, aren't you?
by *-*
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"Not exactly
Armani, is it?"
"Look who's talking, Baldy."
by Phaedrus
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Can you help
me get this annoying look off my face - I pulled it in the last
caption comepetition, then the wind changed direction.
by Vila
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I couldn't help
but notice that green band on your head - I saw one very similar
to that on Kung Fu last night.
by Vila
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Hi, Do you need
any Star Wars figures - I got several stormtroopers in my bag here
you might want.
by Vila
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You know - you
look just like my Auntie - except you have more hair.
by Vila
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He he he...sory,
that one was me.
by Lechar
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So I have to
where this mask because ther is something called the Cold war going
on.
by Peter
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Vila: "...so
I just go straight on, turn left, right, right again and then left..."
by Ewan
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Villa: With
this bright red and large collared top, how ever did you find me?
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: You guys
haven't seen Jabba the hut anywhere have you?
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: I'll
count to ten and you hide.
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can't really be my father.
by Luke Sutton
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Villa: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you can't be my father.
by Luke Sutton
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hey, did you
know I do impressions? this ones a puppet with a hand up it's bum!
by Nixxie da Pixxie
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HERE COMES CALLAZILLA!
by Don
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Who's vila,
I don't see know stinking vila, no one but me Avon
by Don
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'Hello, I'm
a Jahova's Witness....'
by Anon
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What chemical
agent? You're joking aren't you? Well, alright! I'll get my mask,
but I don't smell anything!
by DooDoo
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Sorry, I didn't
mean to pee on you, I thought you were a statue
by Steve R
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'...So I told
him, "Avon, either you start treating me with some respect
or I'll jab my lock pick in your eye."'
by Michael Heumann
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Vila trip to
madam tusards turned into a disarster when he thought the guards
were made of wax!
by G-GEE
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You want to
forget that Gary Numan look.
Get down to Millett's, they've got a sale on, this kagoul only cost
me 3 credits.
by John Harrison
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Go on, do your
Darth Vader impression.
by John Harrison
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Hi, I'm a smiley
git from some annoying kids Television programme, can I come in
and interview Servalan ?
by Doogie
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Yes, it is Hi
Karate....
by emma
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Is this the
queue for the garden gnome auditions?
by emma
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Hey, have you
seen a gold plated watch,i must have left it here somewhere.
by Don
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VILA: is that
a neutron blaster in your pocket or are yoou just glad to see me?
by Al Henderson
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Excuse me....
may I just distract you both for a brief second.....
by Mistress Tufty
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