June Competition

This one makes you wonder what they've got planned for the initiation!

Series 4 did not give many opportunities for our favorite freedom fighters to have fun... However, one thing Tarrant and Vila enjoyed playing was " The Initiation Game " with potential new crew members.... by The Doctor Alt8

Well done everyone! Thanks for entering!

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blake? why don't this guy gotta wear grey too? by denn

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Vila: Hold still Gerren! Theres a big ugly bug on you bum! Gerren: If you slap my butt I'll break your fa- Tarrent: SHUT UP!!! How are we suposed to spy on the federation when your making all that noise! Vila: But there IS a big bug...on...his..um, I think it just crawled into your pance... Gerren: O GOD MY ARSE!!! IT'S BITING MY ARSE!!!! Vila: Here, I'll kill it!! (picks up rock and smacks Gerren bum) Gerren: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! MY ARSE, MY ARSE!!! Tarrent: (slence)...I give up... by Pam Poofer

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Gerren: I will NOT stop it. If I'm not allowed to fondle women's breasts, I'll damn well fondle my own! by Martin

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Vila wonders to himself, Just how long can one stay lost in the same blasted chalk quarry that seams to be the only place in the mutiverse that the B.B.C. allows us to be on " field trips. " by The Doctor alt8.

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Tarrant: Bud... Gerren: Weis... Vila: Errrrr... by Martin

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i know it,s this way,ther is empty bottle,s every where by mark james

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i know it,s this way, there all drinking bud,s by mark james

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All three together: WE will, we will, kill you! by Hockey killer from hell!!

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"I can't Dance I can't talk only thing about me is the way that I walk" by selode

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So, this is where all the Science Fiction series go to die. by Wildchild

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Congratulations Vila - you win the John Cleese memorial award for the Funniest Walk..... by James

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You step on my foot Vila and by God I slap you sooo hard! by Chevron

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Oh my God. I think I'm having a heart attack - I've just heard that the BBC can't afford to pay me for the next scene..... by Jan

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Vila: Who wants to go in the cave with me? Tarrent: Your a sick person! Gerren: Get away from me you poofter! Avon of Camera: I'll go, I'll go!!! by Blake is still fat!

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Tarrant: "Good heavens! We've stumbled into a scene from Genesis Of The Daleks. Right before the bombs go off out here." Vila: "Run for the hills!" Tarrant: "We're in the hills." Vila: "Fine. Run away from the hills! Run away from the hills! If you see a hill, run away!" by Benjamin Elliott (yes, that one)

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Tarrent: Keep quite, look over there. There all naked!!!! by Richard Wadsworth

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Blake singing off camera: The earth will shake when I trip or fall, 'Cause I'm 1000 pounds of pure cholesteral! Just the other day, I made a terrible mistake. I stepped on the cat, turned him into a pancake! It ain't no lie, it ain't no mistake. My favorite late night food, is chocolate cake! Tarrent: Quit rapping!!! Nobody cares that you are as big as a trippe x sumo wresteler!!! Soo shut up! Vila: You look tense...why don't come in the cave with me? Blake: Shut up yourself, Tarrent! Sorry Vila, but he can't go in the cave with you. Vila: Why not? Blake: Because with hair like that he couldn't fit through the cave entrance! HA HA! Tarrent: Cow! Blake: Tuffty! by Mentally chalenged Midjets

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Blake Singing of Camera: Do you think that I am rude, because I like to consume food. I eat everything, small creatures too, Get out of my way, or just might eat you! Vila: Stop singing and come in the cave me you fat sexy freedom fighter! Gerren: I think I'm going to get a sex change. What do you guys think of Lucy? Would I make a good Lucy? Tarrent: STOP IT!!!! STOP IT ALL OF YOU!!! Your nothing but sick perverts. Vila: WE are sick? What about you. With that hairstyle I don't know how you fit through the scropio door! HA HA HA!!!! Tarrent (think): Perverts... by Billy the Bug eater

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'i should be dancin' YEAHHH!!!' by ssj imp

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Vila singing: A horse is a horse of course of course. And you should never have intercourse with a horse. Unless of course that crazy horse is the famous Mr Ed. Gerran: Dear god, now he's singing about buggering famous TV horses. Tarrent: Shut up Gerran there's a cave up ahead. Maybe if we let him sing his pervert songs he won't notice. If I have to go into one more cave with him I'll kill myself. Gerran: I don't know about you but I rather enjoy being in the cave with the two of you young boys. Vila still singing: Let's talk dirty to the animals, up yours Mr Frog. Terrant thinking to himself: Pervert... by Iva Biggin

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Blake singing off camera:Your butt is wide, well mine is too. Just watch your mouth, or I'll sit on you. The word is out, better treat me right. 'cause I'm the king of Cellulite! Oh I never used a phone boothe and I never seen my toes. When i go out to the movies, I take up seven rows! Because I'm fat, I'm fa- Tarrent: Yes Blake, we all know that you look like a 450lb cow on dope, but you don't need to shout it to the world!!! by Blake is a cow!!!

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Vila singing. Y M C A Gerren: There he goes with that gay song again. If he keeps singing he'll make us go into the cave again. I'm sure you don't want that do you Tarrent. Tarrent: Not unless Avon is in there OOOHHHHHHHH!!!!! Blake off camera: I'm not going into the cave I'm to fat. Have you ever seen me naked, I look like 200lbs of potatoes in a 100lb sack. That's why I could never score with Genna. by People Who Hate Fat People Like Blake

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Vila: Tarrent? Tarrent: What Vila? Vila: Where is the next cave, I'm getting horny? Gerren: Come on Tarrent, I'm getting horny to! by Mickeydoodles

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Tarrant "DAMN its a long run for the loo after that curry" Vila "Dont blame me, Gerren choose the restaurant" Gerren "Good curry though wasnt it <out of breath from running>" by Paul Maddox

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Avon "run fools, you cant hide from me! <har har har>" Vila "I told him he shouldn't have had cheese before he went to sleep!" by Paul Maddox

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Avon (from behind his binocular) "Its supersticious half wits like them, that ruin every advance mankind makes" by Paul Maddox

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Vila singing: Hi Ho, Hi Ho, in the cave you two go! by Sam the squash stalker

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Vila: Wait Gerren, wach this magic trick. First I swallow some air<gulp> and then...BELCH. HA HA HA!!! Gerren: You call that magic. Wach this... Vila:Wach what? Gerren:This...FAAAAAAAAARRRRT Vila: HA HA HA! Tarrent: STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!! Your behaving like children! Vila: Your behaving like children. Tarrent: Stop repeating me! Gerren: Stop repeating me. Tarrent: Grrrrrr.... Vila: I'm board, gerren, want to go in the cave? Gerren: Ok. by Birtha Butt and the Butt sisters

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Vila singing: I'm a freedom fighter and I'm ok, I tell bad jokes and I think I'm gay! Gerren: I give up... Tarrent: Me too. Vila: Oh I'm a freedom and I'm ok, How about you and me get friendly in the cave! by Does someone have the keys to the loo?

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Vila: If I had one wish do you guys know what it would be? Gerren: No, what. Vila: Come in the cave with me and find out. by I think I need to change my underware

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Vila & Gerren sneak up on Tarrant with the aim of giving him a quick spank, and then running off by Fish

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gerren..hey diddle de dee, an extras life for me..la la la la la la la la vila...gerren, what are you going on about? gerren..well i need to do somthing, ive run out of lines. vila... eh? gerren.. well, on page 4 it says 'gerren falls on spike and dies' and then ive got no lines after that vila...THATS COS URE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD YOU IDIOT!!!! gerren...errrrr, but wont that hurt??? vila.. NO, YOULL BE DEAD, IT WONT MATTER, AND THEN WHEN THE SCENE MOVES ON, YOU GO TO YOUR CARAVAN, HAVE A CUP OF TEA, AND PICK UP YOUR PAY CHECK!! gerren... cool....ARRRRGHHHHH, IVE FELL ON A SPIKE!!, where do i get my money? by ssj imp

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Tarrant had taken Gerren and Vila to one of Xenon's remotest locations to practice their dance routine for the annual spring ball by Steve Rogerson

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Vila: hey Gerren. Gerren: What? Vila: Do you want to hear a joke? Gerren: Even if I sead no you will still tell me the joke! Vila: I gues that means yes? Anyway, here it gose. A boy and a girl go out on a date to a base ball game, while they are at the game, the boy says," I will kiss you between the strikes and you kiss me between the...." Avon: You stop telling jokes and hellp me find the ship!!! by Mickeydoodles

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gerren...(sings french national anthem) vila...are you ok gerren? gerren... ahh, je mappelle napolean bonapate, je suis la emprur de la belle france!. vila..i see. tarrant...i bloody dont. by ssj imp

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Bang Gerren : Ahh Villa : Sorry ! It just when"t off in my hand Tarrent : Villa Be more carefull Villa : It"s all Dayna"s fault she gave me the one that Solin likes to use.You know the one with the hair trigger. by Vidar Raven

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Vila : ( thinks ) That`s it Tarrent, Gerran, just a little further to the right to the minefeild then... KABOOM to both of you ! by thedoctoralt8

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VILA: hey, guys, why aren't you playing hopscotch with me? GERRAN: because I'm growing breasts. TARRANT: o god, I'm with a childish idiot and a transvestite! I'm running! Why is everyone suggesting my poor ickle Vila is gay? by currer

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avon...does anyone want to see my knob....hey where are you guys going?..HOI!!!!! by ssj imp

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Tarrent: The Scorpio should be right over this clif... Vila: It's not their is it! O my god I'm gonna die on this plannet!!! Gerren: Get a hold of yourself!!! Vila: Sorry... Tarrentt: Mabey I parked it over here... Gerren: What are we suposed to do now? Tarrent:No, wait, mabey I parked over there... Vila:I guess we can just sit here and(looks at tarrent) rot because you have bad memory! Tarrent: Things could be worse, you know. Gerren what could be worse than this! Tarrent: We could be stuck here with Avon. by Thomas

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Vila: [Leaping from foot to foot] Oooo, hot! Hot!! HOT!!!! Time for a sharp exit... by Martin

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Gerren: I knew should have worn a space bra. by Gareth Lucas

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Villa: Gerren says he feels a right tit. Tarrant: It's probably just another teleport malfunction. We'll get Avon to to take look at it - then again... by Gareth Lucas

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Gerren: If we don't find this door soon I'm going to go be the first extra in Blakes 7 to die of natural causes. by Gareth Lucas

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Gerren: How much longer till someone kills me? I'm beginning to feel a right tit. by Gareth Lucas

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Vila: Blah, blah, blah, blah... Gerren: Dose Vila ever shut up? Avon: No, he just keeps talking and talking and talking! Gerren: Is he a british person? Avon: Must be. by Mickeydoodles

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Gerren: Is it just me or am I the only one who dose not have a gun? by The lone gun man

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Vila: A...Tarrent? Tarrent: What. Vila: I have to use the little boys room. Tarrent: go behind the rock! Vila: But Tarrent! thats unsanitary! Tarrent: You go behind the rock or you crap your pance! by caz

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Tarrant: i'm sure i left the ship just here, didn't i avon? Oi, Avon, AVON! (to the others)wheres avon gone? VILA: i think we may have just lost our only hope of leaving this rockery to a maniac. (hysterical)NOOOOOO< we're going to die! by caz

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during the game of hide-and-seek Vila, Tarrant and this other bloke were allowed to work together in trying to find Avon as he was so small they might miss him. by caz

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tarrant: we'll find a Little Chef somewhere..... Gerren, what's up with you? GERREN: i think i'm developing a breast! VILA: SAVE ME!!!!!! by caz

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Vila: Tarrent, are we there yet? Tarrent: No. Vila: Tarrent, are we there yet? Tarrent (Sounding Mad): NO! Vila: Tarrent.... Gerren: WILL YOU SHUT UP VILA, IF YOU KEEP ASKING TARRENT IF WE ARE THERE YET, WE WILL NEVER GET THERE!!!!!! Tarrent and Vila: What is the mater with him. by Mickeydoodles

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Vila: Roses are red, and vilots are blue, lets go in the cave, just me and you. Gerren: O god, now he's doing poetry! Tarrent: I give up with him. Vila: Roses are red, and rocks are gray. Servalan is a poofter, a poofter thats gay! by Fredy Fartface

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Gerren: Vila! Stop staring at my bum! Vila: Sorry... by Sam the Stubby Salesman

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Vila (in a seducing tone) : Who wants to be my slave boy in the cave tonight? Tarrent: Is their somthing wrong with you?!? Vila(in a seducing tone): Why don't you go in the cave with me and fix my problem. Tarrent: Bloody hell!!! I'm going to leave you in a cave for good! Vial: Thats Ok...as long as your with me... by Princess Putrid and her Pigmy Peasents

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vila... wait, see ill light it, hold on...nnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg!!!! tarrant... dont bother, we arnt in the slightest bit interested vila...gnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!! avon... he is a filthy commoner isnt he? vila... hhhhnnnnngggggggg!!! gerren... hey, dont look at me, im not even here vila (FRRRRRRRRPPPPP!!) ALL OTHERS.....(silence) vila... umm has anyone got any clean underpants? by ssj imp

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Its that time again - who can do the best Bionic Man impression! by Simon

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Vila: A guy asked me for a quarter for a cup of coffee so I bit him. Tarrent: Oh god, not the jokes again! Not the bloody jokes!!! Gerren: Now I know why Avon insisted he went with us. Vila: Come on guys, I could start singing again. by Barny Barf Bag

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Vila Singing: I love you, you love me, lets get friendly behind the old oak tree. We'll hug and kiss in broad daylight, won't it be a prety site! Gerren: I can't take his stupid singing any more!!!! Tarrant: Isn't that the Barney theme song? Vila still singing: I love you, you love me, lets get friendly in the old cavey... by Princess Putrid and her Pigmy Partners

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Tarrant What have you got there Gerren? Gerren It's my precious feldon crystal. Villa Makes extras last up to 3 times longer than normal- eh Gerren? by lucasgd

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Vila: Hey Gerran watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat. Tarrant: Who cares. Villa: Get in the cave and kiss me you nasty boys. Avon off camera: I think I'll get in on this cave thing. by Billy loves bulls

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All three men singing: I don't know but I've been told. Avon's feet are covered in mold. I don't know and I don't care. Avon has raceing stripes in his underware. I drive a car and not a van. I think Servalan is a man. Gerran: What do you think guys. Do we have a chance to be on Saturday Night Live in the states? Vila: Shut up, get in the cave and kiss me you sexy freedom fighters...Ohhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! by My Girl Friend Has Three Legs

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gerren...someone set up us the bomb vila... we get signal tarrant...main screen turn on gerren... how are you gentlemen...all your base are belong to us vila... what you say? tarrant... you are set for destruction gerren...you cannot survive make your time vila... ha ha ha tarrant... we dont half talk some s**t by super saiya-jin imp

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vila...hey tarrant. tarrant... yeah? vila... all your base are belong to us by super saiya-jin imp

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Vila: "Papa smurf , are we there yet?" Tarrant "no, not quite" <10 seconds later> Gerren: "Papa Smurf, Are we there yet?" Tarrant: "not quite SMURFETTE, and will you too QUIT IT! (sighs)" by Paul Maddox

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Vila: Tarrent, where is the ship!? Tarrent: Ho.....just over this hill. Avon: You sead that LAST TIME!!!!!! Vila: WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!! by Mickeydoodles

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vila (crying)....ahhhh i hate this battle reenactment society, i wish id stayed at home and watched the footie. then id have been able to have my tea and put my feet up and watch accrington thrash man u 10 nil, before going to the pub and having a few beers with the lads and rolling home drunk and have the wife shout at me all night. gerren... re enactment society?, footie?, pub with the lads?. what are these things hae speaks of? tarrant... i dont know, maybe the halluconogen gas they are using has got to him. soldiers (off screen) ...die you rebel scum, and your leader is a poof. by super saiya-jin imp

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BLAKE HAD PUT THE OTHERS IN TRAINING: "Sound dog!" "1,2,3,4.." "I can't hear you!" "THREE FOUR!" by Caz and Currer

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VILA: Gerran, you're operation to turn you into a woman hasn't really succeeded has it? GERRAN: No, but the seamline REALLY hurt. TARRANT: Do you two know nothing? They're in the wrong place. VILA: Yeah, Tarrant, like YOU know. by currer

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all three.....ICE CREAM!!!!! by super saiya-jin imp

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tarrant... quick run, vila is tripping the light fantastic. gerren.. wheeze, slow down you young wippersnapper by super saiya-jin imp

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Three british men behaving badly. by Mark The Mud Wrestler

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Villa Singing: Let's get friendly in the cave. Let's all hug and kiss in the cave. First we'll drop the soap, then we'll tell a joke. Then we'll get real friendly in the cave. Gerren: Dear god, that singing is giving me a heart pains, not to mention a headace. Terrant: He sounds like a Bull Moose in heat. Villa still singing: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready in the cave you two go. by Dirty Debbie

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Tarrent:Vila, how can you tell if you have a mean cook? Vila: I don't know. Tarrent: When beats the eggs and whips the cream. Ha ha ha. by Ivanna Tinckle

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Once upon a time there were three freedom fighter. One of the freedom fighters ate some baked beans and had horrible gas. The gas was soo bad that it caused all of the freedon fighter to die from lack of proper air. by Lister

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Once upon a time, on a lonely abandond planet, there were 3 freedom fighteres. These three freedom fighters were not very biright, in fact, they were stupid. They wonderd on the planet for a few hours and soon became very hungry. They found a huge nasty monster and tried to eat it. Insted, the monster ate them,and they lived happily ever after(except for the three freedom fighters) by Anon

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Gerren: O god, my lungs are on fire!!! What is that smell!!! Tarrent: Sorry...fast food gives me gas. by Anon

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Gerren: (moaning) I don't think I should have eaten that Taco soo fast. <belch> It's giving me horrible heartburn. Vila: Heartburn!?!? It's given you more than heartburn! You stunk up the whole liberator and thats why we are all out here waiting for it to air out! by Penny the nose picker

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Gerren: That's the last time I eat dinner at Blake's house. This heart burn is killing me. Villa: How do you thik I feel, I'm down wind from both of you. Tarrent: Shut up Villa...BURRRAPPP! Sorry about that guys. Gerren: Oh my God I think I'm going to pass out. Villa: For Gods sake Tarrent chew your food next time instead of swollowing it whole. I'll be right back, I have to throw up by those rocks. by Vomitting Vinny

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Tarrant:I like playing Blakes7 Vila: Yeah - I wanna be Blake next time though! by Simon

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Vila: Ooooh the Grand Old Duke of Yoooork, He had ten thousand men... Tarrant: Yes well a man's got to have a hobby hasn't he? by Martin

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"oompah loompah doompatie doo" by super saiya-jin imp

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vila... hey do ya reckon i can pull to night? tarrant... who cares, get down and boogie to these choooooonnnssss!!! by super saiya-jin imp

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Vila: Its always the guy at the back that gets killed (sulks) Gerren, Tarrant: We know by Jon

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We watch from the safety of the bushes as the rare species 'Manicus-Greypanticus' do the annual ritual of the fertility dance for their females. by Christina Dahms

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GERREN: My lungs! What IS that smell? VILA: PARRPPP!! Ooo, only that...POOT...chicken tikka I had...FRUMP...last night. by Paul Kinnear

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HEEY MACARENA!!!!! by THE MASTERS OF CHEESE

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Ooooh Vila - I KNEW we shouldn't have eaten your 'Blakes Biriani' curry special.... by Royal ER

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"Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work we go..." by Seducing Avon

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Villa at gun point marches Gerren and Tarrant towards a cave where he plans on having his way with them. by The Bald Butcher

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Vila: Why do I have to be the rear of the pantomime ant? Tarrant: Type-casting. Gerren: Wish we could afford a costume, though. by Marian Mendez

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Vila: Why are we following in your footsteps, Tarrant? Tarrant: It's my natural leadership ability. by Marian Mendez

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Vila: Tarrant! Gerren's out of the game! He put up his left hand, not his right. by Marian Mendez

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Gerren: I like your wig, Cally. by Martin

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Vila: Stop farting, Tarrant, you're making my hair fall out. by Martin

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Blake: Stop farting, Tarrant, you're making my beard grow. by Martin

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Gerren: Tarrant, my x-ray vision isn't working! by Martin

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Vila: Okay, where's the b*st*rd who poured glue all over my knee while I was asleep? by Martin

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Vila: Okay, where's the b*st*rd who stole my miniature-piano? by Martin

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Vila: Okay, where's the b*st*rd who stole my saxophone? by Martin

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Vila: Okay, where's the b*st*rd who stole my drum? by Martin

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Vila: Slow down, Tarrant! Gerren's having a heart attack and I need to do my laces up. by Martin

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Vila: ...Let's all do the conga, let's all do the conga, na na na nah! Na na na na... by Martin

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It's o.k you two,we've still got time to hide, Avons not finished counting to 50 yet by dannyBoy

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Vila:(singing) You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out.......... Tarrant: Gerren! Get that drunk fool to shut up or I am going to thump him! by Matt

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Vila: argh...... I knew this would happen. I've got a damn stone stuck in my shoe!!! by Matt

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Vila:(excited) oooooh goody, I love going on treasure hunts by Matt

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Tarrant & Vila take Rolf Harris on an excursion to the local quarry. by Matt

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Man: O God, my heart!!! Vila: Tarrent, he's having a heart at- Tarrent: Shut up you prat. Your oppinion has no relevense! <man falls dead>... by L. S.

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Tarrant: Vila, we're not in space anymore, why are you wearing a shiny pink crash-helmet? Vila: I'm not. Tarrant: Oh sorry! by Martin

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Vila: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, that is what I want for me... sac-a-to-me sac-a-to-me sac-a-to-me sac-a-to-me... by Martin

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Avon: [Off-camera] Here, class, we see the chain of Great Ape evolution. It starts with a feeble, bedevilled apeling, "Vila-erectus" as it is called, and descends into the more advanced forms, firstly "Gerren Whiskus", then latterly "Tarrant Sapiens." Only after this point does it become human. by Martin

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Gerren: Hail Tarrant, I bow before thee, even though it means your smelly bum is now sticking in my face. by Martin

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TARRANT: There! I can see our quarry ahead! VILA: Was that supposed to be a joke...? by Paul Kinnear

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So we creep into the crypt..... by Scotty

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MAN IN BLACK: Tarrant, there's a wasp on your bum...stay still and I may just be able to get it... by Paul Kinnear

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VILLA: Dammit, Tarrant, even your arse is perfect. I've no chance with the girls... by Paul Kinnear

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Vila: I'm tired of playing Cowboys and Indians, can't we play Doctors and Nurses instead? by Slartibartfast

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Vila: "and another damn bug...." STAMP! by Mistress Tufty

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Vila: "Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go..." by Mistress Tufty