|
|
DECEMBER
2000
Thought this
one was most appropriate. It was the smug look on Dayna's face whilst
the others looked at her questioningly! I can imagine Dayna doing something
like this just for a laugh! Good One!
Avon: Um Dayna.
Why do those arrows have our names on them?
 by Luke Sutton
|
Dayna: I know
a place that does cheap body piercing, if you are interested?
by Luke S
|
Dayna contemplates
suicide.
Avon: YES DO IT!
by Luke S
|
Avon: Dayna,
I think you've been out in the sun too long. I told you about the
sunscreen.
by DBT
|
Avon: Dayna,
how nice of you to knit Servalan
a new frock.
by John H
|
Dayna: Next?
Ah. Welcome to the vasectomy clinic. You must be Mr. Avon.
Avon: [Gulps} No I'm not!
Servalan: Don't worry about my husband, he's just nervous. Come
along, dear.
Dayna: Yes, come on, lie down on this nice comfortable cash till
and I'll whip 'em off in no time with my trusty arrow heads.
Avon: I don't want to.
Dayna: Don't be silly, I haven't killed anyone yet... well I have,
but I'm sure I know what I did wrong.
by Martin
|
Dayna: Don't
look so disdainful, Servalan. Living under the sea changes you.
It changes you more than words can say.
Servalan: Oh really?
Avon: It's true. When I first met her she was white.
by Martin
|
Servalan: What
are you smirking at?
Dayna: If you look at the Caption Competition page with these arrow
heads partly-obstructing your view, the photo looks very rude.
Avon: Bloody hell, my nads look bigger!
by Martin
|
And straight
in at number 3 , this weeks highest new entry is
"The Liberators"
with
"Rescue me"
by Magic Pebble
|
Dayna:I'm telling
you. If it worked for a pesty kid. It'll work for us to. We need
to have a new home alone type format. The Cash register falls down
here and the two arrows shoot out here!
by Luke S
|
( Dayna slowly
tries to get over her fear of cash registers )
Dayna: Just think baby steps. Baby steps.
( Pokes cash register with arrow head )
Dayna: You can do this. BABY STEPS!
by Luke S
|
( They are playing
a futuristic version of Cluedo)
Avon: So I have narrowed it down to Miss White and that it was in
the control room, but did she use the arrows or the cash register?
by Luke S
|
( Dayna dresses
up really special to go out on a date and super glues arrows to
her hands )
Avon: Since you've met this Edward Scissorhands character you've
gotten really strange.
by Luke S
|
( The lights
go out and then suddenly back on )
Avon: And then there were three!
by Luke S
|
Avon will soon
find out what they mean by Fatal Attraction.
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Come
on Vila, don't be a baby, i just want to give u a little poke with
the arrow
by VILA
|
Servalan: "Dayna,
where did u get that arrow?"
Dayna: "Why i pulled it out of Avon's head"
Servalan: "Well, make sure u throw it away"
Avon: "NO!! I want it, after all, Tarrent did shoot it into
MY head"
by AVON AVON AVON
|
Dayna: EENY,
MEANY, MINY, MOE!
Avon: I hate it when she does that!
by Luke S
|
Avon: How do
you feel?
Vila under the table: I've got this strange pins and needles and
arrows feeling!
by Luke S
|
Priest in background:
Ok who has the arrows?
Dayna: I do!
Priest: Ok now I pronounce you divorced as husband and wife! Now
you may kill the ex bride!
by Luke S
|
Dayna: That's
two burgers with the lot, a diet coke, one pan galactic gargleblaster
and a large fries. Add VAT. That comes to 30 pounds.
by Servalan's Servant
|
Avon: This is
no time to be coy, Dayna. Answer the question! Are you seeing Servalan
behind my back?
by Servalan's Servant
|
Avon: You girl's
have a real cheek wearing white.
by Servelan's Servant
|
Avon: Ladies,
when you've finished plucking that
turkey, perhaps you can get it in
the oven before new year.
by John H
|
Avon: Dayna
you have that dress on back to front and your arms not properly
in the sleeve. What's a matter with you cant you dress yourself?
by Luke S
|
Avon and Servalan
are playing Existenz
Dayna: DEATH TO ALLEGRAGELLA. DEATH TO THE PYTHON WOMAN!
Servalan: I think she's talking about you there Avon.
by Luke S
|
Avon: Now listen
Dana, if you don't keep with the script me and ugly here are gonna
kick your ass after work.
by The Mad Fornicator
|
Dayna: Does
it hurt when I do this?
Vila: [Out of view] Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Servalan: No I feel fine.
by Martin
|
( Another not
so famous episode of Blakes 7 that never aired. The episode that
was translated in semaphore and morsecode at the same time.)
by Luke S
|
( The episode
of Blakes 7 that never aired. The episode that was translated in
interpretive dancing.)
Dayna: I'm telling you, interpretive dancing is the way of the future.
Not speech!
Avon: But what does dancing have to do with arrows and a cash register?
by Luke S
|
( Dayna with
Alzheimers )
Avon: I don't know which is more frightening. The fact that she's
forgotten the bow or the fact that she's forgotten which one of
us is the actual target!
by Luke S
|
Avon: That's
a bulls eye!
Dayna: I know, i left the rest of the bull on the planet!
by Luke S
|
Dayna: I have
no idea why people liken this show to a space age robin hood saga!
by Luke S
|
Dayna: My God
i wonder who put these here?
Avon: Elementary my dear Dayna. None other than my arch nemesis,
Moriati!
by Luke S
|
The final round
of this years `Operation` game contest is nail bitingly close.
Avon "Come on Dayna , you`ve only got the Adam`s apple and
funnybone to get"
..............BUZZZZZZZ..............
Servalan "Oh goody , I win again !!!"
by Magic Pebble
|
Avon on the
intercom: Um houston we have a problem!
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Trying
to connect invisible wires to these arrows is not bloody easy!
by Luke S
|
Dayna: I know
what your thinking Vila. Your thinking but she doesn't have a bow.
Well do you feel lucky punk? Do you?
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Pop quiz
hot shot. A woman holding two arrows what do you do? What do you
do?
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Well,
yes operating on Vila would be safer with scalpels, but these were
all I had to hand. And they're not THAT dirty. Honestly. I've only
shot four Sarrans with them since last time I washed them.
by Martin
|
Dayna: its a
radox herbal bath gift set. It'll help you unwind after a hard day
slaughtering innocents.
Servalan:You shouldn't have. And I mean that. You really shouldnt
have.
by cik
|
Servalan: its
a teletubbie. i killed it with my bare hands.
Dayna tickles it with her arrow
Dayna:but hes still an ickle wickle baby waby
by cik
|
Avon: A bow
might help!
Dayna: Don't be silly. How is a bow tie going to help?
by Luke S
|
Dayna: It's
a swiss army arrow!
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Go go
gadget arrows!
by Luke S
|
Avon holds a
pillow under the arrow as a silencer.
Avon: Just be quiet about it!
by Luke S
|
Avon holds a
pillow under the arrow as a silencer!
by Luke S
|
Avon: Arrows
ha! There useless against the beeblebrox you need pillows says Ford.
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Avon
just place your hand on the table I want to show you a party trick
that a man called Bishop showed me from a ship called Nostromo.
But he uses a knife!
by Luke S
|
Avon: Dayna's
just had enough of this new atm machine eating her card.
by Luke S
|
Unfortunately
for Dayna Avon and Servalan were her only life lines.
by Luke S
|
Avon: That cash
register will go well with the moose!
by Luke S
|
Avon: As the
old saying goes a rose between two thorns.
Dayna: Why thankyou Avon!
Avon: I was talking about me!
by Luke S
|
( Dayna as cupid
)
Dayna: That's it i've had enough of you looking at me. Your about
to fall in love with this cash register.
by Luke S
|
Avon: What's
the matter?
Dayna: Instead of a bow the BBC give me this stupid rubber band!
by Luke S
|
A very thirsty
and desperate Dayna is about to make two fatal mistakes. First she's
going to try and use an arrow as a divining rod and second she'll
soon find out why she shouldn't use an arrow as a divining rod,
when she remembers that her body is made up of mostly water.
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Hey look,
when I poke this cash till with an arrow, Servalan's knuckles turn
into a prism.
by Martin
|
AVON: Nuts,
this dialogue is almost as formless as your outfit Dayna. I'm off
to the pub!
by The Amazing Chaffinch
|
Famous Outtake
Clip: Ms Simon cuts the cheese.
by The Amazing Chaffinch
|
DAYNA: As a
weapon, these arrows are pointless.
AVON: Who is writing your stuff, Mel Brooks?
by The Amazing Chaffinch
|
DAYNA: Ker-Plunk,
anyone?
by The Amazing Chaffinch
|
AVON: Who loves
ya, baby?
by The Amazing Chaffinch
|
SERVALAN: Avon,
get your hand off my bum at once!...er... well, in a minute then.
by The Amazing Chaffinch
|
SERVALAN: Gah!
I always hated 'What's My Line.'
by The Amazing Chaffinch
|
AVON: What do
you mean, you always wanted to be Ringo?
by The Amazing Chaffinch
|
DAYNA: Will
that be all madam?
SERVALAN: Yes, thank you...although, maybe I should get a bow to
go with those arrows?
AVON: Get a B!@@%# move on you two - I have a ship to catch - 8
items or less indeed!!!
by Cheryl
|
Avon: She just
simply hates micro organisms!
by Luke S
|
Little did Dayna
know that she would have to use fire arrows to melt the ice so that
she could press the button which would reveal a hidden treasure
chest which contains a silver key that opens the dungeon door where
she will have to fight the big boss!
by Luke S
|
Dayna kills
the mouse.
Avon: That was the wrong mouse!
by Luke S
|
Avon: Why are
you using arrows on a computer?
Dayna: Because I don't want to catch a virus!
by Luke S
|
Servalan: This
new microsoft antivirus detector is hideous I tell you.
by Luke S
|
Avon: That's
not being user friendly!
by Luke S
|
Even though
Dayna attcks a cash register with arrows. Avon still finds it hard
not to look at Dayna's sexy shoulder.
by Luke S
|
Avon: That's
a very tiny turkey you have there. Never mind. Bring out the microscope
and we will have it stuffed!
by Luke S
|
Avon: Hold still,
Dayna, there's an alien life form crawling up your cheek...
Servalan: No there isn't, I just sneezed when we walked in.
by Martin
|
Dayna: The Sarran's
missed me, but their arrows buggered this cash till good and proper.
by Martin
|
So far this
months kill count:
ONE CASH REGISTER.
A COUPLE OF FLIES.
VILA.
AVON.
SERVALAN.
ONE GOLDFISH.
ONE CRISPYDUCK.
ONE GIANT TURKEY.
ONE PSI.
SOOLIN.
ONE BULL.
ONE DUCK THAT IS NOT CRISPY.
AND A RABBIT THAT WAS NOT IN SEASON.
by Luke S
|
Dayna: So let
me get this right. Your suggesting Avon and yourself and me and
you want two arrows and a cash register in it. Thats just too damn
kinky for me!
by Luke S
|
Avon: Only 3%
of the universes population suffer with cashianolophobia. The fear
of cash registers and you had to be one of them!
Dayna: Well this one is yellow!
by Luke S
|
Dayna hold up
a quickie mart!
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Look
guys not only is the pen mightier than the sword it is also mightier
than the arrows.
Avon: Your an idiot!
by Luke S
|
Avon: How the
hell did you shoot yourself in both hands?
by Luke S
|
Soolin on the
floor: There has to be a better way of getting my ears pierced.
by Luke S
|
Avon: This arrow
plated suit BETTER WORK!
by Luke S
|
Dayna gets a
job doing Demtel
Dayna: Wait! Theres more not only will you get this arrow but you'll
get another one absolutely free and if you buy now we will throw
in this cash register!
by Luke S
|
Servalan "I
believe you have an offer on these special Christmas twigs"
Dayna "That`s right , free fairy lights with every purchase
madam. Anything else?"
Avon "Crackers !!!"
by Magic Pebble
|
Dana: So, I
heard you two did the wild thing. Is that true?
by Penny Pimples
|
Servalan: For
Gods sake hurry up and toss the salad Dana, I'm starving
Avon: Shut up Servalan, five more ponds and you won't fit into that
dress.
by Izzystildead
|
Servalan: [Whispers]
If you stare at her long enough her forehead bleeds.
by Martin
|
Avon: Dayna,
if you insist on trapping rodents with those things, fine, but at
least keep your eyes open when you throw them.
by Martin
|
Vila and Blaarg
are fighting under the table.
Avon: Aren't you going to do something?
Dayna: I would, but I might hit Blaarg.
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Shhhhh
I'm concentrating. I'm about to get it.
Avon: That's your shadow you idiot!
by Luke S
|
Avon: What are
you doing with those arrows?
Dayna: These aren't arrows they are giant toothpicks for Blaarg.
Servalan: Who is Blaarg?
Dayna: The monster under the table!
Blaarg: ( Roars )
Avon and Servalan: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
by Luke S
|
Dayna: What
are you two looking at?
Avon: That's what we are trying to work out.
by Luke S
|
Avon: You were
suppose to catch lunch.
Dayna: I did. When I hit the bull, you said" Bulls eye."
So i cut it out and brought it back.
by Luke S
|
Dayna: Hey look,
Sensei! I caught the fly in the chopsticks...!
Avon: Grrr, it beginner's luck.
by Martin
|
Avon: I thought
Terry Nation was kidding when he said this show was "Robin
Hood in Space."
Servalan: This is embarrassing.
by Martin
|
Dayna: Har har
har...
Servalan: C'mon Avon, you can do it.
Avon: Yes! I can!
Dayna: HA! I don't believe it.
Avon: It's true. EUREKA! After years of research, I have achieved
the mystical super-power of x-ray vision! And now I can see right
through Dayna's dress.
by Martin
|
Dayna: Its Servalan
and Avon season!
by Luke S
|
Avon: It's duck
season.
Servalan: It's rabbit season.
Avon: DUCK!
Servalan: RABBIT!
by Luke S
|
Vila under the
table: Did I ever tell you that I'm allergic to pain.
Dayna: Dont worry you wont feel a thing.
Vila: I wont feel anything? Oh my god your going to kill me aren't
you?
by Luke S
|
Dayna: This
wont a bit.
Vila under the table: Yeah I know. It'll hurt a lot!
by Luke S
|
Avon: HOW!
by Luke S
|
it's a message,
it's from Robin (hood)
by THE MASTERS OF CHEESE
|
Avon: They did
not nickname the Sagittarius constellation after you?
by Luke S
|
Dayna: I'm a
Sagittarius and my horoscope tells me that today I have to look
out for cash registers!
by Luke S
|
Avon: Your using
the wrong end of the paint brush!
by Luke S
|
Avon: I dont
think its going to fight back!
by Luke S
|
KILL COUNT:
ONE CASH REGISTER.
by Luke S
|
Dayna: The only
way out of this caption competition that i see is to take out our
voice boxes.
Avon: So your going to shoot us in the voice box with those arrows.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
by Luke S
|
Avon: They are
the biggest damn splinters i've ever seen. Get a hacksaw!
by Luke S
|
Avon: I thought
you were playing cowboys and indians with Soolin. Where is she?
Dayna: Well she's not as quick as she thought.
by Luke S
|
Avon: I'm straight
as an arrow I tell you, straight!
by Luke S
|
Avon: What are
you doing?
Dayna: I'm sending some hate mail!
by Luke S
|
As Dayna shoots
Avon blows into her ear putting her right off.
Avon: Well least the bow hit the target!
by Luke Sutton
|
Avon: I'm not
standing with no apple on my head!
by Luke Sutton
|
Dayna: "Price
check, one child's William Tell kit."
by Bobster
|
Avon: "Some
Soda Stream!"
by Bobster
|
Avon held back
his grimace & hoped Dayna was telling the truth when she told
him that large acupuncture needles would cure his itchy penis
by Lord Jimmy Savile
|
Dayna: If you
concentrate. You can get flies this way I tell you.
by Luke Sutton
|
After an eerie
and long silence from Psi's captioning. Avon and Servalan deduce
who Dayna just shot!
by Luke Sutton
|
As she fits
explosive tips onto her arrows. Dayna in a Sylvester Stallone type
voice says: I'm afraid I can't. My war is over.
by Luke Sutton
|
Dayna on loud
speaker: I need a price check for the Klingon pregnancy test.
Avon: It's $4.45. I tell you.
Dayna: I've got to make sure and put it on the loud speaker so that
everyone else can hear! ( Smirks )
Servalan: You wretched child.
by Luke Sutton
|
Dayna doing
her morning Sermon
Dayna: The Bible says that the love of money is like stabbing yourself
over with many pains. I would just like to illustrate this with
a live demonstration. Avon and Servalan. Can you please step forward.
by Luke Sutton
|
After Dayna
runs around the ship with arrows in her back and hair and shouting:
Indians are coming! Indians are coming!
Avon gets really serious and says: That wasn't funny!
by Luke Sutton
|
Avon: Just because
you painted that cash register yellow. Tv viewers will never fall
for it when we try and tell them that it is really space station
alpha beta.
Dayna: Yes they will havent you ever heard of the power of suggestion.
Servalan: And what are you doing with those arrows?
Dayna: These aren't arrows. They are skud missiles!
by Luke Sutton
|
Avon: Those
are the biggest Damn Voodoo needles I've ever seen. But wheres the
dolls?
Dayna: You don't use dolls with these needles! (Smirks to herself).
by Luke Sutton
|
Dayna is being
interviewed for the employment of a checkout assistant. Avon and
Servalan are the managers.
Avon: So do you know how to use a cash register?
Dayna: No! But if any one tries to hold us up. I can take them out
with these arrows.
Servalan: Your hired! Your just the person we're looking for.
by Luke Sutton
|
Dayna: I just
finished reading a book its called ' Idiots guide to accupuncture!'
by Luke Sutton
|
Avon: What a
strange planet this is. Where arrows are used as currency!
by Luke Sutton
|
Avon: What are
you smiling about?
Dayna: Someone sent me a bouquet of arrows and they say that romance
is dead!
by Luke Sutton
|
Vila grimaces
painfully on the floor as Dayna pulls out the poisonous darts from
his backside.
Dayna: If some one doesn't suck out the poison in five minutes your
going to die.
Vila: So what's going to happen then?
Dayna: Didn't you hear me? Your going to die!
by Luke Sutton
|
Cash Register:
Ching, ching, chong.... ching, ching changga ching.
Avon: Dayna what are you doing with those arrows?
Cash Register: CHING CHJING CHONG CHING CHING.
Dayna: This cash register is playing up and it's about to go down
I tell you. DOWN!
by Luke Sutton
|
Dayna: Call
me cupid!
Avon: Why's that?
Dayna: Because if you fall in love with Servalan I'll be forced
to shoot both of you.
by Luke Sutton
|
Avon: Um Dayna.
Why do those arrows have our names on them?
by Luke Sutton
|
Dayna the checkout
chick: And would you like fries with that?
by Luke Sutton
|
Servalan:what
in the world are you doing?!!
Dayna:Sticking your bow and arrows in this here pudding,ohh it was
all avon's idea
by Don
|
Dayna:So servalan,I
hear avon has a crush on you
Avon: (blushing) be quiet dayna,don't be a fool.
Servalan:ohh what was that?
Avon:she was just rehearsing for a play that will have a roll for
"servalan".
by Don
|
Avon: Servalan,
do you see Qupid too?
by Ewan
|
Dayna: Yes,
Vila, well you shouldn't have called the Chief a wet ponce, should
you? Now lie still while I get these arrows out of your bum.
by Martin
|
Servalan: You
know, you'd type a lot faster if you just used your fingers instead.
by Martin
|
With a flourish,
Dayna plucks the last two feathers from the giant turkey.
by Roderick
|
Avon: "Hey,
wheres my Christmas present? Dayona got a pair of arrows and Servalan
got a yellow tonka truck" <Stamps feet> "I wanna
pressy" <sulk>
by Paul Maddox
|
Avon and Servalan
suddenly realise that they've been hustled by an "Operation"
Grand Master
by Johnny Boy
|
Theres a small
queue waiting for Dayna to finish her game of Space Invaders. Unfortunately
shes having trouble killing them.
by Simon
|
Avon and Servalan
are once again annoyed at Dayna's childish habit of hiding the Scrabble
board.
by Steve R
|
Servalan: Oh
what ghastly ear-rings, there so tacky! And that dress you're wearing!
It makes you look like a tart. And, uurrgghh, that make-up is just
hideous...
Avon: No Servalan, that's a mirror, Dayna's over here.
by Martin
|
Servalan: Avon,
you're standing on the hem of my dress.
by Martin
|
Avon: Excuse
me, we're looking for Dayna Mellanby, where can we find her?
Dayna: Just follow the arrows.
[Boom boom]
by Martin
|
Servalan: [Sings}
Go left, go right, go pick up sticks, go left, go... No, Dayna,
it's a song, I don't want you to do any of it.
by Martin
|
Dayna: I see
you're both admiring my ear-rings.
Servalan: Is that what they are? I thought a sea-gull got you.
by Martin
|
[Replacement
for earlier caption]
Avon: Servalan, I can see daylight...!
by Martin
|
Dayna: This
"Orac" thing of yours is even less impressive than you
said, Avon...
Avon: That's a cash register, you moron!
by Martin
|
Servalan: No
Avon, don't wake her, they say it's dangerous.
by Martin
|
Avon: Dayna,
did you know your left ear's fallen off?
by Martin
|
Dayna: I'm almost
done knitting this thong for you, Avon.
Servalan: Dear God! That thong is SO SMALL...
Avon: *Blush*
by Urza's Mistress
|
Servalan: Don't
you think those chopsticks are a little on the large size for a
bowl of crispy duck?
by Martin
|
Avon: [Whispers]
No Servalan, keep staring at her, I bet she'll say "What?"
after a moment.
by Martin
|
Avon: Did you
know I can see right through her ears?
by Martin
|
Dayna: Alright
so harpooning a goldfish isn't very dramatic but there's no need
to look at me like that.
by Martin
|
*Dayna tries
to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the Xylophone*
Dayna: Listen, Avon, I've almost got it! *dink dink dunk*
by PrincessGrasshopper
|
Dayna: These
sex toys worked GREAT last night, didn't they Avon?
Avon: Shut UP Dana.
Servalan: You little trollop. He's MINE, dammit!
by Princessgrasshopper
|
"DING DONG!"
Dayna the checkout person: I need the price for these two arrows.
The customer says that they were half price but the till isn't bringing
them up"
by Simon
|
Dayna: So Servalan.
You, me, and Avon?
by Urza's Mistress
|
|
|