I tell you, Avon, this new Philishave that Jenna bought me is bloody fantastic! Pass me the Old Spice.
Blake: "Now wait a minute, Avon. Before I give you a bracelet you must promise that you´ll be back in time for tea..."
To make freedom fighting ends meet, Blake & Avon get a window cleaning round.
Blake: Vila, come down with the sponge we only brought the ladder!
Jenna, Avon wants to see you in pink and purple darling.
Blake: Oh....my....god, history has been made, HISTORY I TELL YE!
Avon: What are you on about Blake?
Blake: The first time i´ve managed to actually re-create one of Lesley Judds stupid experiments without it catching fire!
Avon: "So it was YOU who ate all my pringles!"
Blake: "So THIS is what Gan was trying to squeeze out in the previous caption competition!"
Avon: "Who´s going to clean up all the vaseline and guts, that´s what I want to know."
Wow, that button gave us a direct vid link to the Supreme Commander´s bedroom.
Blake "Mork calling Orson , come in Orson"
Avon (thinking) "time to cancel the cable subscription methinks"
Avon: You´ve got you´re lips stuck to that ice bracelet again haven´t you.
Avon: "No, Blake. Your voice has to wobble a little bit more. Try it again."
Blake: "Are you lonesome tonight...."
"Don´t worry, Jenna. We´re quite all right. Avon is just showing me how he can difuse this nova bomb with his eyes closed. What´s that? You´re going off station?"
"Vila, bring us up and get the sun lamp ready. Avon was reaching for the last Jaffa Cake and the Huggabuga Jaffacake Appreciation Society shot him with a freeze ray."
Avon: Now, sir, stand still and breath on that ring.
Blake: Huuuh.. what´s the result?
Avon: With a blood level of 10 parts per 100, I should think that you´ll never fly this ship again!
Gareth: You know what this is, Paul?
Gareth: This is the reason we don´t get Club biscuits with our teabreaks any more!!!
Cancel the War
Blake: It´s shiny again but it just doesn´t work....
Avon: [sigh] You´re not supposed to wash your teleport bracelet, Blake
Blake-if i can just get this last hoop over the pole i will have won a goldfish!
Blake: Have you seen this amazing bracelet? Testing, testing...
Avon: Actually its made out of a bottle of fairy liquid and has been painted by a 3 year old.
blake: You know your jam roly poly would have turned out round if you´d used this Avon
Blake´s powers of hypnotic suggestion were demonstrated when he sent Avon to sleep watching him swing the bracelet, and then Blake became entranced himself.
Blake: Blake to BBC costume department. Return our real clothes, pronto.
Banter from my ahole
´Why didn´t u tell me Avon that i had nose hairs?´
Blake: ´Thankgod im being payed to look like this on national television´
Blake: ´now, i know we had Jenna just before we got attacked by those blood-sucking monsters....´
Blake: ´Is that a hundred dollar bill on the floor?´
´Maybe i shouldn´t have had that last beer...´
Blake: ´if u listen really hard, u can almost hear the ocean...!"
"Calling International Rescue"
"We need a decent mens hairdresser right now"
Blake: I broke my tooth!
Avon: Well, stop eating teleport bracelets!
when the naked lady came up, Blake stared in wonderment when he realised what the screen was for...
Avon wondered what it was that made anyone with access to a microphone fancy themselves at karaoke.
Blake: Damned thing´s faulty. I think it´s stopped.
Avon: [sigh] I think you´ll find Vila´s stolen your watch again and made a rather clumsy substitute.
Blake was stunned by the size of Avons cock ring
Blake: Not now Jenna! Avon & I are playing invisible chess doubles with the Decimas, & it´s our go!!
Gareth: I´ve heard of Lord of the Rings, but not Lord of the Bracelet.
Paul: Yes, Tolkien has a lot to answer for.
Gareth is amazed at how little Paul paid for his teleport bracelet on E-bay
However , moments later they`re both gobsmacked to discover that it actually works !
Blake: No, don´t teleport us yet! Avon´s about to sneeze...or fart...or both!!
Avon: The project researched the properties of a special substance..
Blake: Ammonium Nitrate! Yes, I worked on that project too. And so did the previous owners of this ship!
Avon: No, that´s just the urinal over there. We have no teleport.
Blake´s heavy breathing terrified all of the crew except Avon, who became horny
In the Blake 7 parallel universe, Avon sews socks and Blake licks jewellery until it is shiny and sparkly
Blake: How do you get it past the first 3 fingers?
Avon: I don´t know! Ask one of the girls!
Orac congratulated himself on creating the perfect practical joke. The stasis field built into that bracelet meant that Blake and Avon would be stuck like that for days.
Blake: mmmmmm, doughnuuuuuts
The giant cock ring was still warm. Blake thought the smell of it was familiar, but he couldn´t quite place it.
Blake: My precioussssss!
B: "Just imagine...."
A: :I am imagining Blake, it´s definitely one of Janet Jacksons nipple rings, a normal one would..."
B: "Yes. Thumb and forefinger."
Cashier number 4 please!
The rest of the crew begin to realise just how important it is NOT to mistake shadow for flour when cooking.
As Blake & Avon start to sing thier medley of spaced out 60`s songs through the ship`s intercom , beginning with.....
`Hey Mister Tambourine Man`
BLAKE: "Ha, it´s mine, it´s mine, ner ner nee ner nerr"
AVON: "Hey, give it back, it´s mine.. Thats not fair, MUuuum! I´m gonna sulk now, Humphh"
Blake: " BING BONG! - AVON calling"
Avon: " Oh, very original Blake!"
Gareth: So we have to pretend that this is a teleport bracelet?
Paul: Sod that, I´m off down the pub.
Gareth: Don´t laugh. You´ll be striking Elvis poses yourself one day.
Blake: TESTING TESTING
Bracelet: Oi! Who you shouting at ?
Blake:(singing) " I did it,.... my way"
Avon was getting quite concerned about Blake´s growing fondness for womens jewellery.
Blake: Avon, do you think Jenna will like this braclet for her birthday?
Avon: You´re a bit late, Blake. Her birthday was yesterday.
Blake: Wow! This is so shiney I can see your nose in it.
Blake: Kirk to Enterprise!
Avon: I see you still haven´t got the hang of it.
Avon: Don´t eat it, Blake, or you may find yourself teleporting your stomach into space.
Blake: That´s the idea.