T: "Avon, why canīt you just admit it? Oracīs ability to make microwave muffinīs isnīt overly promising and weīre getting hungry."
A: "Iīve scorched the back of my hand for you Tarrant! Now, Orac...where were we? Three minutes on high...."
AVON: Shh! Itīs the Queenīs speech.
Avon was very keen to show the others how shiny Orac had made his fingernails.
Avon: "Wait, we still have one question left. Orac tell us again: was it animal, vegetable or mineral?"
Avon: All we have to do to win big at Freedom City is to get Orac to shrink and then hide him up Tarrantīs ass
Tarrant: But whatīs the rock for!
Avon: Makes it intolerably painful for you, and it makes me feel kinky
Avon: Shh, weīre just about to find out what it is!
Orac: Iīve devoted too much of my busy time to this. Itīs a rock. (from the BBC props dept)
Vila could see that Avon had given Orac the death-rock to wear as Orac determined the sentence for Vilaīs crime of making Avon look stupid
Not like the good ol days
Avon: Now, I want the guilty, dirty, DIRTY boy to come to the front of the class and identify this stool.
Avon: You see? i have no nails!
All: mother of!....dear god!..is..is?.....
Avon: Hey! Can you two keep it down! Im trying to watch Match of The Day!
Avonīs attempts to cross-breed Orac and a sopron rock drag on into the fourth week ...
AVON: Shush, Oracīs having his nap!
TARRANT: Kerr Avon, have you been playing with alien rocks again?
*AVON GROANS AT SCARY PARENTAL CREW, AS VILA SITS WITH HANDS ON HIPS IN FATHERLY WAY*
AVON: Go away Tarrant, or youīll feel the back of my hand.
TARRANT: Avon, youīve been on long enough! I want to watch some light night TV!
AVON: Tarrant, shut up, Orac is reading my palm... apparantly my true love will be an alcoholic thief.
*VILA FINALLY SEES HIS CHANCE AS HE MAKES FOR A BREAK*
VILA: The sopronīs making Avon hallucinate! Itīs Tarrant, not Hitler!
Avon: "The tellyīs on the blink again. Iīll just give it a whack"
Avon: "Stay away from the Sopron, Tarrant! The sight of that much hair and teeth could be too much even for you!"
Tarrant: (singing)In the name of love..........
Vila lost the best dramatic pose contest final. (guess who won)
Avon: You see! Orac has analysed my hand and itīs clean.
Tarrant: But you must check the left one too. Then weīll see who masturbates the least.
Avon blew into the fist holding the gooseberry and when he opened his hand Tarrant appeared. Villa was very impressed.
Avon: And so what do you think of my lovely blue fingernails?
Tarrant: Heh, those are my expensive false nails!
Vila: Mmm, they seem gorgeous Avon, mind if I take a closer look?
Avon: "STOP!! Nobody move!" , "Villa, the next time you forget to put your gun back into the charger unit ......." " is the saftey on?"
So when is the relaunch of B7 ?????
Tarrant: Avon! Blowing raspberries at the pursuit ships is no substitute for neutron blasters!
Vila (wryly): Now I get it! Orac and the sopron are mating, and Avon wants to join them to produce some kind of Super-Ego...
Tarrant: And I suppose you want us to just stand by while you do whatever it is youīre doing, without telling the rest of us? Is that it, Avon?
Avon: Something like that... (pause) Why donīt you get some rest, Tarrant? You look pale. Well, most of you does.
Avon: I swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....
Avon: I did it, Tarrant. I asked Orac to transmit those *secret* viscasts....
Vila: Zen, put it on the main screen!
Avon: Hey Tarrant, read between the lines...
Avon: "Stop! no mincing on the flight deck!"
Tarrant: I thought you were a topline programmer, Avon, but Iīve never seen one who uses a loofah to clean out a virus from a computer
Avon: OK, do YOU want to put the marigolds on?
Avon: Can somebody please lend me 50 pence for Orac? Iīve run out of coins just when he was going to tell me how we were all going to die.
Tarrant: So Avon, all along you told us Orac was an incredibly brainy computer when in fact you produced the wobbly voice and worked everything out, and we actually own a kitschy microwave.
Avon: Yes, but I never meant to mislead you, it was just your first impression, and I canīt make allowances for your stupidity.
Avon (sings): Itīs just a step to the riiii-iight...
Tarrant: No, Avon, that is NOT how you give a Vulcan greeting.
Avon: and when I hit the dash I want you to bring the liberator to a controlled emergency stop. into positions please.
Avon: quiet, Iīm busy
T: but, Avon...
T: BUT VILAīS APPENDIX HAS BURST!
Avon: ok Orac, Iīll finish your bed bath later
Tarrant: wereīs the toilet? Iīm bursting.
Avon: straight down that corridor, on the left.
Vila: and hurry up, Iīm a bit desparate myself.
The Liberator Crew were fresh to Oracīs triphop beat, which occurred whenever a heavy rock was placed on its lid. It was Badass Avon vs The Skank Tarrant, and the others were just homies who couldnīt decide what to do
Paul Darrow: Wait a minute at least, I havenīt fully drained my close-up shot of all its dramatic possibilities
Tarrant: And it wasnīt me!
Avon: Well is it me or has something just died in here?
The Eighth Member
Avon had eventually realised that Blake had been here all the time, but had just been too small to see with the naked eye
Jennaīs not here, Avon, look youīve been sleepwalking again!
Tarrant was the only one left standing when the music stoped!
Stop! In the name of love!
Finally, Daynaīs habit of using the teleporter to steal peopleīs seats the moment they stood up was exposed.
Avon motions a drink...whilst Tarrant brings him a pint of Guinness. Clearly Vila has had too much...
Avon shushed Vila. He could feel its presence again- the ghost of the twit with the really bad hairstyle!
Vila: "Aw no, heīs been up all night drinking coffee and watching Bruce Lee movies again..."
Vila: Quick Tarrant, Avonīs about to start sucking his thumb again.
Avon protested that on top of Orac was the perfect place for the ashtray.
Avon: Dib, dib, dib
Tarrant: Dob, dob dob
The Liberator branch of the Boy Scouts was in session...
Tarrant: Thatīs it! I warned you to stop bragging about your "technique"!
Tarrant: Avon! Thatīs your hand youīre talking to, not me! Youīve really got to spend your time with a bunch of desperate criminals rather than Orac more often.
Unidentified BBC Object
Tarrant: Iīve told you before to wash your hands after emptying your guts Avon, just look at me
Tarrant: Avon you must give me my real clothes back
Avon: Speak to the hand
Unidentified BBC Object