"And our new extra-large Tupperware comes with a free life-size Picard action figure. It´s a snip at the price, sir!"
Jesus, I knew British Airways were making cuts, but this is ridiculous!!
Vila thinking to himself - Avon´s got rather a nice arse.
Vila: Thinking to himself...
"I´ve never really looked before, but Avon has got a lovely bum from this angle!"
Avon- What do you mean, this is my new supercomputer, Orac? It looks like a bald dwarf to me.
Avon: Blake, I´ll hurt your hand unless you tell me how to get into the box... What´s happening to your eyes?
Blake: Don´t make me angry, you won´t like me when I´m ANGRY!
Avon: "If you can stand me pinching your hand as hard as I can for 5 minutes we let him out"
Vila: "Right... 4 minutes 50..."
Vila: "It says Locutus on the panel"
Avon: "Well I say the implants look highly advanced, who knows what they´re for?"
Blake: "Well I say we should just let him out, what harm can he do?"
Avon- ´Right, on the count of three, we release them, and if mine wins the fight, we go to Freedom City.´
"The Liberator´s in bits all over space, we need a new, state of the art, fighting ship - and Vila has to go and nick a HEARSE..."
"I told you he needed 17 hours and 35 minutes in a 900 watt micro! He´ll still be pink in the middle..."
Avon: "See that? That´s you that is. That´s you going out on the pull in your best clothes."
Avon: " For the last time,this is the last life-capsule and its mine - bugger off"
Avon- Good job I had Gan test Vila´s tanning booth before we tried it, eh, Blake?
Avon" Our new `Eternity Tours` business idea is a great success Blake ,
trouble is , the driver for the galactic hyper hearse looks more dead than the customers !"
----- CAUTION -----
Never put your hands on a hybernation pod while in use , due to extreme risk of instant freezing ,
as illustrated in example 7a above.
Vila: If I shut my eyes, I can´t see them, so they can´t see me. I can drink my soma in peace.
Blake: Where´s Vila?
Vila: It works!
Avon: Who said that?
Avon: All right, Blake, another five minutes and he´ll be ready to go in.
Avon: Blake, step back carefully. Your perm is like velcro.
It was a tricky moment for Avon, the night when two inquisitive drunks turned up at the back of his kebab shop just as the fresh meat was delivered
Avon- See the difference? I use Miracle-Gro in all my hydroponics.
Avon: Now listen to me, Blake. This is the last person who accused me of sentiment. Unless you want to be immortalised in perspex, leave me in peace!
Blake and Avon argue over the best way to do the old ´sawing a maniac in half´ trick.
Villa is unimpressed.
Avon: now, when they start going a golden-brown give them another 5 minutes then serve with some fava beans and a bottle of Chianti
Villa(Hannibal style): slurpurpurpurpurp
Vila: (thinks) Thank god no-one´s sent in a caption with the obvious superglue joke.
Blake: What idiot glued our hands to these boxes?
Vila: (thinks) NOOOOOOOO!
Avon- I told you cleaning out the attic would be worthwhile, Blake.You wouldn´t *believe* what a mint-condition homicidal maniac in its original packaging will fetch on E-Bay.
Blake- ´I ´heart´ Avon?´
Avon- ´Nova ´spade´ I´ . You´re looking at his tattoo upside down.
Vila-Avon, your pinny is riding up. Hey! Jenna´ blamed *me* when those panties went missing.
Blake: hello sir, how may i help you?
Avon: I wish to complain about this body what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Blake: ah, uh, what´s wrong with it?
Avon: I´ll tell you what´s wrong with it, my lad. ´E´s dead, that´s what´s wrong with it!
Blake: no, no, ´e´s uh,...he´s resting.
Blake: so, where are these bodies you mentioned?
Avon: err... here!
Professor Vila: Hello and welcome to History today.
Avon/Professor Lewis: You see that pathetic shell of a man, with the scarred body and the disfigured face, so much that no women could ever love them, not even his mother.
Professor Blake: I am aware of the condition of the poor wretch.
Avon/Professor Lewis: That´s you, that is.
Professor Vila: Sigh….
After 15 hours Villa´s viagra pills finally kicked in.
Avon-Considering *your* low budget , I think I did quite well with the Rebel Wax Museum.
Blake-You could have put some clothes and a wig on *me* .
Avon- I couldn´t even afford eyeballs for the half-size Vila.
Avon: THIS is Ben Kingsley?
Blake: It´s conceptual. It´s a statement and a handy place to put cups.
Avon: I preferred the old coffee table, and Vila won´t come near this one.
In a surprise crossover, the Liberator crew discovered more of Mr Bester´s `weapons supplies.´
Avon: "Blake, if these guardians escape it´ll be brown trousers time!"
Blake: "Avon, this is the 70´s - it´s brown everything time!"
Afraid that he would be next, Avon ran, seeing that another thief had nicked Vila´s eyes.
´Yes, sir, this handy dandy combination enemy compactor and juice-extractor will not only keep your ship tidy, it will produce healthful nutrient solutions easily added to your favourite adrenaline and soma recipe.´
Avon: i think we´re going to need buffy for this one
Avon(softly): blake, i know this isn´t a good time but... i do love you, you know that don´t you
Extra: Mr Darrow, could you please wear underwear for these scenes.
Who would wake up Snow White? Grumpy, Dopey or Sarcy?
"Mmm... nice ass."
Avon: Blake, whatever you do, don´t wake them up, or they´ll try to kill Jenna and Gan when we´re on the planet.
Blake: (sarcastic) yeah right.
Avon: And then they’ll use the gene stock in the back of the pod to grow new homicidal maniacs.
Blake: (sarcastic) yeah, homicidal maniacs, of course.
Avon: Blake, are you taking this seriously?
Blake: Whenever you speak all I hear is "Bleegh, Bleegh"!
Vila: not again...
Avon- " I will now close the magic cabinet, say the mystical words and my volunteer from the audience will be transformed into a beautiful, scantily clad, woman."
Vila: "I´d stay in there if I were you, mate... Avon´s just dropped his guts!"
Avon: "It´ll take several hours for this one to thaw out... you can start chopping the onions..."
Avon: Out of my way, I forgot to take my apron off.
Villa: He refuses to leave the filing cabinet unless we let him play Captain.
Avon: I´m telling you, It´s the guy out of Space 1999.
Avon: I´m telling you Blake! If we can keep Patrick Stewart here, Hollywood´s ours!
Vila "Avon, are you wearing a pink thong?"
Avon: Blake, you can have that one, I´ll have this one, Vila´ll have to go without.
Vila: (sighs) Again?
Avon showed the boys his favourite hobby-being a taxidermist.
Blake: Not bad, not bad.
A split second later, Vila will be reminding them not to get up so quickly again.
Avon: "This is the previous tenant - he´s spending 6 weeks in traction"
Blake: "Yes, it is rather compact and bijou in here..."
A: And this is our ´Male Dom´ model. Programmed for all your S&M needs. Of course, it will cost extra if there are two of you...