Avon: "I TOLD you not to open the door to the bloody Jehova´s Witness..."
Even in the future ´Bargain Hunt´ is still popular
"So, do you, Kerr Avon, take this, Vila Restal, as your lawful..."
Avon: villa, check out the knobs and dials and flashy lights and beeps on that little beauty.
(turns to Egrorian) We´ll take it! Here´s the lifeless plastic cube.
AVON (THINKS) I WISH HE WOULD SHUT UP AND GIVE US THE DAMN AWARD. WE´VE BEEN HERE HOURS
Paul Darrow [to himself]: Savident´s reading his bloody lines again. Christ, for £50 more we could have got Ronnie Corbett.
Vila (whispering to Avon): Isn´t that the bloke from Corrie?!
Egrorian-Let´s see- one furry mitt massage and alcohol rub, one session with a telekinetic dominatrix, and one soak in WD-40 oil. Right, now who gets which?
Egrorian: Now, gentlemen, the procedure is quite painless I assure you. Who´s first?
The horrible truth dawned upon Avon: due to years in hiding Egrorian was in desperate need of a tailor AND a barber.
Egrorian: oh no he didn´t
Audience: oh yes he did!
Avon: oh shut up!
"Welcome to TGI Fridays. Would you like smoking or non smoking?"
Trinny: "... and a handkerchief in the top pocket is an excellent way of deemphasizing other less flatering features"
Avon´s cloning experiment utilizing a combination of Vila´s and Gan´s genes goes horribly awry.
Yes, this is our first visit to Massachuset. How long is the wait for the blood test results? We still have to pick up our tuxes & the cake....
E: "And your total comes to.... 97.95"
A: Give the bill to him.
Egrorian: "Here we are - black leather, little studs... this handbag is YOU sir! Much better than that plastic piece of crap... no offence."
Avon and Vila leaned back in unison as Egrorian spoke. Vila rather suspected that his killer breath was the vaunted secret weapon.
Avon wondered why gravity seemed a bit off plumb on Malodaar. Almost as if there was neutron-star material around--no, that was a bit far-fetched.
Egrorian: Kerr Avon... this is yer life
Egrorian: Yes, I gave up washing some time ago. Waste of valuable time. Why do you ask?
Avon (thinking) "Huh ! This screen test for Men In Black 3 is a piece of cake , i`ll walk it"
Egrorian-"Yes, you two are down for the Greek life-modellng class. Just strip and match the pose on that vase, please."
Vila-"Hang on, I thought we were going to see naked women."
Avon-"Shut up, We need the money for Orac´s new batteries."
Vila: "Hey Avon, how come YOU never wear anything sexy like that?"
The days of Egrorian´s embarrassing sideburn comb-over would soon be at an end now that Avon had brought a suitable donor...
And you say you´ve done this before, Dr Frankenstein?
Avon (thinking) "If I walk out of here in anything other than black a certain person`s lock is gonna get picked !!!"
Federation Health Warning
Exposure to hoffal`s radiation can seriously damage your health
Egrorian: "Yes, the tachyon funnel is ready. Now, did you bring the toupee?"
The 80`s style swop shop was getting silly now , I mean a hand held version of space invaders for , well , something a little more advanced.
Egrorian: " LOT number 113 - transparent box, described has a ´scabby little rebel´ - who´ll start the bidding?"
Avon was jealous that his palm PC wasn´t as compact as Egrorian´s...
Egrorian: " So that´s two adrenalin & soma´s and a bowl....a say, a say...a bowl of Betty´s hotpot!"
Vila: knock, knock
Egrorian: who´s there
Avon: oh for f...
Egrorian: Your name´s not down, you´re not coming in
Egrorian was most impressed with Avon´s detatchable shoulderpads.
It´s life Jim, but not as we know it!
Avon thinks (god these trousers are riding _right up_ my crack)
avon: "If you want to look as hot as me Vila you´re going to need some seriosu work done...."
Right then gentlemen, a tummy tuck, back wax and denture replacement will cost 97 thousand credits
Egrorian: I´ll be with you in a moment, just gotta finish this txt msg to mother
Vila: "I don’t think I trust him to do my hair, look at the state of his. Can´t you cut it instead?"
Avon: "well as you always say Vila, you know you are safe with me"
Nobody had told Avon it was Dentist´s night at the gay disco
"Okay so that´s a pre-stressed camshaft, a gross of A43 bearings, 5 flushed grollings..."
Vila´s Dad read him the riot act for staying out late with his dangerous friends.
Ah yes, we have your booking sirs. Now, was that two singles or double?
Avon turned away in disgust from the Vila from the future.