Blakes 7 Caption Competition
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Competition 18
This competition ended on: 21st November 2002

The voting for this competition has ended.
The results of this caption competition are as follows:

TOTAL VOTES: 28


(Strangely muffled but chirpy loudspeaker voice): ...in the unlikely event of an emergency landing the captain will give the order to assume crash positions shortly before bailing out. You will note that there are no emergency exits situated anywhere on the craft, nor are there lifevests under the seat with no tube to blow into, and no whistle with which to attract attention so you´ll have to shout assuming you survive the impact. In the event of cabin depressurisation no oxygen masks will appear from the ceiling, we would therefore advise passengers to take a good deep breath now. Our flight time today will be approximately two hours - as that´s when the fuel runs out - and the current weather at our destination is unknown because we don´t know where we are going. Thank you for flying Air Avon, we hope that you have a pleasant flight and look forward to seeing you on board again very soon...

Slartibartfast

Percentage of vote= 21%
Villa: You’re ok, I don’t think it flashed.

Backdoor

Percentage of vote= 14%
Avon: "Look, after what happened with the Liberator and Scorpio I lost my no claims bonus and this is all I could afford to insure, alright?"

Futsie

Percentage of vote= 7%
Soolin was beginning to wish she´d bought the Action Man with realistic arm joints.

Vila´s mum

Percentage of vote= 7%
Vila: I hope someone told him that isn´t Demolition Derby!

Chameleon

Percentage of vote= 7%
The crew didn´t know it, but the lettering on the side of the flyer read: "Honk if you´re on the run from the Federation".

Slartibartfast

Percentage of vote= 7%
Vila: I feel really conspicuous with this alien writing on the side we can´t read. I mean, it could say ´Shoot Me´ or ´We´re a load of pillocks´.

Snapdragon

Percentage of vote= 7%
Soolin decided not to translate the ´Diaper Service´ logo on the side of their stolen flier so she could amuse herself by watching everyone else holding their breath and pointedly *not* looking at each other.

Marian Mendez

Percentage of vote= 4%
Orac "I must say , this double dating activity is quite fascinating"

....THUD........

Orac "ERRRRRRrrrrrrrr"

Magic Pebble

Percentage of vote= 4%
Vila: Are we there yet dad ?

Simon

Percentage of vote= 4%
Vila: "Hey! Soolin´s on my half of the seat again!"
Soolin: (kicks the back of Avon´s chair)
Dayna: "Avon, can we stop at the next rest stop? I have to use the little girl´s room again."
Orac: "Your navigation skills appear to be lacking. Might I suggest --"
Avon: "Will you all just shut up?! I swear, I´m going to turn this flyer right around if you all don´t keep quiet and behave yourselves!"

Chaos

Percentage of vote= 4%
"Bee-ellll-zebub has a devil put aside for me-ee-ee, for me-ee-ee, forrrr meeeeeeeee!"
- and they all get ready for some serious head-banging when the guitar riff kicks in...

Futsie

Percentage of vote= 4%
Vila: "Look at that, bloody two quid on the meter already and we´ve only just taken off... and you should have got up into orbit back there, this way´s all round the Wrekin... and this suspension´s terrible... ´ere can we stop and pick up a couple more people? One of ´em´ll lie on the floor... oooh, hang on how does this window open - I´m gonna throw up... ´eeere look it´s gone up another 20p! I usually only pay thruppence... hey, I wanna stop here to get a kebab... bloody ell, it´s £2.40 now - how much is that each? Wait a minute I´ve got a load of change here..."
The rest was cut short when Avon stood on the retro rockets and Vila was catapulted through the windscreen...

Futsie

Percentage of vote= 4%
Vila: Are we there yet?
Avon: No.
Vila: Are we there yet?
Soolin: No.
Vila: Are we there yet?
Dayna: No.
Vila: Are we there yet?
Avon: Shut up, Vila.
Vila: Are we- [Avon hits the ejector button, and Vila flies out through the roof]

Katja Restal

Percentage of vote= 4%
Avon: Well now, the next person who passes comment about my driving will find the flyer has turned upside down. You will note that there are no seat belts.

Slartibartfast

Percentage of vote= 4%


Here are all of the captions in the competition:

(Strangely muffled but chirpy loudspeaker voice): ...in the unlikely event of an emergency landing the captain will give the order to assume crash positions shortly before bailing out. You will note that there are no emergency exits situated anywhere on the craft, nor are there lifevests under the seat with no tube to blow into, and no whistle with which to attract attention so you´ll have to shout assuming you survive the impact. In the event of cabin depressurisation no oxygen masks will appear from the ceiling, we would therefore advise passengers to take a good deep breath now. Our flight time today will be approximately two hours - as that´s when the fuel runs out - and the current weather at our destination is unknown because we don´t know where we are going. Thank you for flying Air Avon, we hope that you have a pleasant flight and look forward to seeing you on board again very soon...

Slartibartfast


Avon: Well now, the next person who passes comment about my driving will find the flyer has turned upside down. You will note that there are no seat belts.

Slartibartfast


Soolin: Oh look, it´s those nice people from the convention we met last week.
Avon: Ramming speed!

Slartibartfast


Dayna and Avon take the children out for the day in their new super high suspension off road Jeep.


Paul Maddox


Villa: You’re ok, I don’t think it flashed.

Backdoor


VILA: Soolin, I hope that´s your hand I can feel
ORAC: (flash, flicker)
VILA: Uh-oh

Gemma


VILA: Soolin, I hope that´s your hand I can feel
ORAC: (flash, flicker)
VILA: Uh-oh

Gemma


Avon: "dont look, its the fuzz"

Dayna: "Am having a bad hair day! "

Villa: " Just cause I cant grow a beard...."

Soolin: " Idiots its the police!"

jason


Villa: "Avon, Where did you get this heap of junk from??? Its as bad as a Skoda!!!! "

Avon: " What do you expect..... Its a Lada! "


Jason Earle


Soolin decided not to translate the ´Diaper Service´ logo on the side of their stolen flier so she could amuse herself by watching everyone else holding their breath and pointedly *not* looking at each other.

Marian Mendez


Vila: I don´t think you should have run that traffic warden over Avon, they were only doing their job.
Avon: He had it coming.

Slartibartfast


Bumper sticker reads: My other flyer is a Ferrari

Slatibartfast


The crew didn´t know it, but the lettering on the side of the flyer read: "Honk if you´re on the run from the Federation".

Slartibartfast


Vila: I hope someone told him that isn´t Demolition Derby!

Chameleon


Avon: "Look, after what happened with the Liberator and Scorpio I lost my no claims bonus and this is all I could afford to insure, alright?"

Futsie


Dayna: I said RIGHT, Avon! And don´t just sit there sulking.

Snapdragon


Vila: I feel really conspicuous with this alien writing on the side we can´t read. I mean, it could say ´Shoot Me´ or ´We´re a load of pillocks´.

Snapdragon


Orac "I must say , this double dating activity is quite fascinating"

....THUD........

Orac "ERRRRRRrrrrrrrr"

Magic Pebble


Vila: Are we there yet?
Avon: No.
Vila: Are we there yet?
Soolin: No.
Vila: Are we there yet?
Dayna: No.
Vila: Are we there yet?
Avon: Shut up, Vila.
Vila: Are we- [Avon hits the ejector button, and Vila flies out through the roof]

Katja Restal


Citizens of the Federation! Have you seen these four people wanted for the theft of Thunderbird 1. If so please call.........

The Game


avon: i told you women can´t read maps

kaz


The day out wasn´t going all that well, especially since Vila´s "bargain buy" spacecraft seemed to be made out of cardboard...

Currer


Vila: Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer! You take one down and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer!

Katja Restal


Avon hoped that no-one had noticed him reaching to adjust the non existant wing mirror.

Slartibartfast


Dayna: ...and when I tap the dashboard I want you to bring the vehicle to safe standstill...

This was Avon´s seventh test and he was all the more nervous having passengers on board.

Slartibartfast


To while away the journey Soolin was making use of Orac´s vibrate facility.

Slartibartfast


Vila: Um, does this thing have toilet facilities?
Dayna: You should have gone before we left.
Avon: You´ll just have to hold it.
Vila: Soolin, can you hold it for me?
Soolin: Certainly not! Why don´t you use Orac?

Slartibartfast


All Sing: "I like driving in my car,
It´s not quite a Jaguar,
It was nicked on Gauda Prime,
From a bloke, who can rhyme..."

Slartibartfast


Vila: I´mmmm coooollld!
Avon: I´m not surprised, there´s no glass in the windows.

BouncingAyatollah


"Bee-ellll-zebub has a devil put aside for me-ee-ee, for me-ee-ee, forrrr meeeeeeeee!"
- and they all get ready for some serious head-banging when the guitar riff kicks in...

Futsie


No-one dared tell Avon that sticking a Porsche 911 badge on the side of his Space Fiesta was a bit sad...

Futsie


They kept a brave face on it, but the car hire on Gauda Prime was not what it used to be.

Vila´s mum


Soolin was beginning to wish she´d bought the Action Man with realistic arm joints.

Vila´s mum


Avon always felt awkward in these situations when Dayna insisted on sitting on his lap.

Vila´s mum


Vila: "Look at that, bloody two quid on the meter already and we´ve only just taken off... and you should have got up into orbit back there, this way´s all round the Wrekin... and this suspension´s terrible... ´ere can we stop and pick up a couple more people? One of ´em´ll lie on the floor... oooh, hang on how does this window open - I´m gonna throw up... ´eeere look it´s gone up another 20p! I usually only pay thruppence... hey, I wanna stop here to get a kebab... bloody ell, it´s £2.40 now - how much is that each? Wait a minute I´ve got a load of change here..."
The rest was cut short when Avon stood on the retro rockets and Vila was catapulted through the windscreen...

Futsie


Vila: "Hey! Soolin´s on my half of the seat again!"
Soolin: (kicks the back of Avon´s chair)
Dayna: "Avon, can we stop at the next rest stop? I have to use the little girl´s room again."
Orac: "Your navigation skills appear to be lacking. Might I suggest --"
Avon: "Will you all just shut up?! I swear, I´m going to turn this flyer right around if you all don´t keep quiet and behave yourselves!"

Chaos


AVON: Okay, we´ll stop at the next Little Chef...

Currer


Soolin: Quick! there´s parking space over there.
Vila: He´ll never get this in that space, Avon´s hopeless at reversing, look what the last attempt did to Orac.

Slartibartfast


Avon was so pleased with the respray on his flyer that no-one could bring themself to tell him that the decal on the side said "Go stick your head in a pig" in the local language.

Slartibartfast


Both Soolin and Vila felt rather upset that Avon had insisted they used booster cushions.

Slartibartfast


Avon: Goin´ anywhere nice t´night then? Ya know, I ´ad that Servalan in the back of me flyer the other night...

Slartibartfast


Avon tries checking the time for the traffic report only to find that Vila has stolen his watch again.

Slartibartfast


They all agreed that the "Traffic Jam" ride was easily the most boring one at the amusement park.

Slartibartfast


Soolin: Oh look! There´s a hitch-hiker, lets pick him up.
Avon: I told you before I´m not stopping again, just look at the last two we picked up.

Slartibartfast


V: I´m telling you it´s a mistake! We shouldn´t steal Hotblack Desiato´s stunt ship!

Gilthanis


Vila was beginning to wish he hadnt persuaded avon to take them all to the seaside. He was feelin decidedly ill, added to by the fact that Avon had brought Speedo´s............

caz


´DELTA ON BOARD´

Vilakins


Several times on the journey Avon had to pull over to let Vila be sick

Vilakins


Avon hated left-hand-drive flyers

Vilakins


The driver´s seat was set up for a much taller person than Avon

Vilakins


"Avon, stop acting like you´re driving and DRIVE!"

the killer pixie


Everyone singing together: "We´re all going on a summer holiday..."

Street


Dayna "Wasn`t me"

Vila "Me neither"

Soolin "I had the soup"

Orac "There is a 92 percent probability that Avo..."
Avon "Shut up Orac !"

Magic Pebble


S: Avon, will you just let me turn Orac on and ask for directions?


Gilthanis


Avon "I hate back seat driver!"

Vidar Raven


Vila: Are we there yet dad ?

Simon


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