Avon: "When I agreed to play 'I spy' this wasn't exactly what I had in mind!"
Avon For Ever
Shrinker: "Hold still now Avon, this won't hurt a bit..."
Avon: "I wish I never agreed to let you do the surgery now..."
"I call it the Keratin Transponder. Its function is to remove headpieces as worn by this subject here, and recalibrate its sturcture to presets specified by the user. The headpiece is then diseminated and appears on the users head. Off course, the subjects fingernails all fall off in the process, but these side effects will shortly be eradicated."
Having first demonstrated the effectiveness of the electrolysis wand on his own head, Shrinker closed in on Avon to perform a long-overdue nostril trim.
"You're using the end with the rubber on it," pointed out Avon helpfully.
All Avon could think was that he really should have gone to Specsavers after all
Avon: 'I really don't feel like blowing a party popper right now, thank you!'
The torture method Afro & Futsie used to force Paul Darrow in attending a certain little brum trip.
A dangerous glint in the old man's eye warned Avon not to trust mascara application to a man with no eyelashes.
Shrinker "Your bank account must have a dozen zeros in it , now write me out a nice cheque"
Avon "It does , the only problem though , is that the number one is at the wrong end"
It was when Shrinker started to play 'Memories' on his penny whistle that Avon knew the torture had really begun.
Please take that light out of my eyes it will make my contact lenses melt!
Avon to Blake..
Take that patch off your eye so U can see what you are shooting at.
Sh: "You know what this little game is called now, don't you?"
Avon: "Is it... 'Poke Avon in the Eye With Something Very Sharp, Thus Incurring His Wrath, Which You'll Find Out in a Minute When I Call Out for Tarrant, I Hope Before the Sharp Thingy Actually Enters My Eye?!'"
hey hey its magnus greel
Shrinker: Eternity with Beezebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared with five minutes with me and this pencil.
Avon(thinks): Oh God, not another Blackadder fan!!
For the last time Avon I told you to PITY THE GELTH!!!
After days of torture, Avon knew he looked manky. He bloody hoped this was either Shrinker, or someone from Trinny and Suzannah to prep him for his makeover- he'd heard black leather and studs were in this seasaon.
Shrinker: "And I got this one in Nevada..."
Avon wondered how long he'd have to keep looking at Shrinker's collection of souvenir sex toys from each of the fifty states before he could politely excuse himself. Being a guest at one of Shrinker's house-warming parties was torture!
S: Do you know what this is?
A: It's a ball point pen.
S: No, it's a laser probe.
A: No it isn't.
S: Hush! I'm going to start by burning out your eyes.
A: What are you going to do? Draw naked pictures of yourself?
Avon was beginning to wonder if the back-street laser eye surgery was such a good idea...
Paul really didn't like the new 'airbrush-the-old-fashioned-way' makup man.
Shrinker: Look, if I eat your pen, you won't have a hope of writing any daft novels.
Shrinker: "Do you know what this is?"
Avon: "It's a peashooter..."
Shrinker: "It's a PEA SHOOTER!!"
Shrinker:"2B or not 2B?"
white afro in space
Avon could only cringe as Shrinker tried to impress him with his best Kojak impression.
As Shrinker blew his pitch pipe, Avon gave up. Physical torture he could withstand, but not that man's singing.
Shrinker: Go on, do it again. Say, "Laser probe" as if I have nothing better to do all day than pass you tools.
Avon was definitely not going to talk, despite the torturous efforts of the kazoo player.
Avon refrained from telling Shrinker that he didn't really need to get so close to use that blow dart gun.
Shrinker: And with one final brush stroke my perfect life-like Paul Darrow wax work is complete. Should make a killing with this on eBay.
Now Avon say ahhhh nice & big now Come on be a good boy..I'll give U a jelly baby I took off the Dr b4 Do'nt tell him tho he'll get angry & start 2 play with his Yo Yo & I can'nt stand that!! Ahh that up down all the time drives me up the wall!!!..By the way did U floss??
Shrinker: Next time you don't return my pen I'll insert it in you.
"Alright , i`ll do the smegging Barclaycard commercial"
Avon "Panta Jaws !
I knew that if I left enough mince pies and sherry you`d show up eventually"