April Competition

This months winner was an witty Croucher/Greif caption.
Well thought out!

Travis: OK. Here's my birth certificate. Servalan: So you are Space Commander Travis but you still look different...have you done something with your hair? by Ewan

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...."And the winner is"...... by THE MASTERS OF CHEESE

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Servalan "Travis, How many times do I have to tell you to be carefull with that crazy glue, you fool. how many more times must I remove bits of paper you have stuck to yourself!" by Paul Maddox

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Travis and Servalan audition for the Vienna Boy's Choir. by Christina Dahms

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Servalan and Travis reherse for the musical: TRAVIS AND SERVALAN, THE SOUND OF MUCUS. by Christina Dahms

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Travis: Show me where it says 'Don't wipe your eye while holding the pizza cutter.' by Konkordski

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travis...this paper has writing on that i dont under stand commander servalan...ah yes, its aincent auron.. travis... well, translate it then! servalan... unfortunatly doctor, due to BBC cutbacks, they have merged our show with dr who, and the aurons dont exist in this universe. travis...i see EXTERMINATE...EXTERMINATE by evil imp

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Servalan: What your going to show me how to make a mark ten just by folding that piece of paper? Travis: Im telling you its possible i saw the BBC do it! by Luke S

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Servalan: "No Travis, the chorus goes 'Why does it always rain on me, is it because I lied when I was seventeen'" by Bobster

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Travis: Just look at the ratings for last week's episode. You really are going to have to try harder from now on, or you're off the show. by Robin England

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Oh look, a lovely note from Avon inviting us for tea and light refreshments! by zyd

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travis...who drew this picture of me??? servalan... ummmm..i dont know, but when we find them they shall be dealt with most serverly travis... wait, dont you always draw people with bug eyes? servalan... SILENCE SUBORDINATE!!! by evil-imp

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Travis: It's a letter from Blake. Servlan: For gods sake read it you twit. Travis: Roses are red Violets are fake Everyone knows that You love Blake Servalan: Nice try Travas I know you wrote this. No nookie for you tonight. by The Angry Toe Nail

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Travis: This just came in the mail. It's a picture of you and Villa running naked in the woods. Servalan: Oh my god! my butt is huge. Travis: Instead of chasing Blake around space all day I think you better log some time on the treadmill. by Bills Bugger Cafe

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Travis: need i say more or shall i go get you a mirror? by Cool Blue Shoes

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Travis: Observe this picture of Elvis. Now look at me... am I going to win the Elvis look-a-like competition or not? by Fish

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TRAVIS: yes that is what you really look like! passing person in background: hahhaahhaahah BELIEVE IT!! by Sam

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Travis "Look , i`ve drawn a sand castle" Servalan "But you haven`t joined 44 to 45 !!!" by Magic Pebble

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Servalan<Staring at the paper>: Hmmmm...maby we could...ummmm(turns paper upsidedown)...O I give up!!! WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE TO WRITE THESE BLOODY VCR INSTRUCTIONS IN CHINESE!!!!! by :)

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Travis: Ah, a very cunning plan. And all that need happen to foil it is that Blake finds this piece of paper? We cannot go wrong! by Fish

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travis... here is the report into my family lineage, as you can see, i am in no way jewish, so can i take this star off now?. servalan...hmmmm......no by evil imp

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "Beware! The evil imp is plagiarising other people's captions this week." by Martin

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Servalan: now, i swear this fell of you somewhere round the back! by DANIEL

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Travis: i hate to have to break this bad news to you, but we've received another letter of complaint about your clothes by Annie

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Servalan: THAT'S ALL I'm GETING FOR WEARING THESE CLOTHES? are they serious? i'm calling the producer! by Rover

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travis... commander, thers a bit of paper with writing on that i dont understand here. servalan...its ancient auron for 'christ, dont we leave a lot of bits of paper around' by evil imp

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "You were rubbish in EastEnders you big jessie." Sounds like he knows you. by Martin

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Travis: SEE!! it says right here in this weeks issue of Vogue- chicken wire was so LAST season by TillySam :p

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travis...i know i said id like you to write down your fantasies, but some of these are ridiculous. servalan...ok, lets just to number 4 then travis...hey, my arms the only part of me thats bionic by evil imp

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Travis: Oh Dear, It looks like he's got supporters at the printing shop! Servalan: "gasp" Sweetums, do ALL our wedding invitations say Blake is the groom? "Sniff" by Steve

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Travis: "A paper hat, a plane, a teradactyl" (Ok its funny if you've seen airplane) by Paul Maddox

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Travis: Don't you think it was nice of the Boys to send me a musical birthday card? Servalan: Pity about the greeting! by Ollie

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Servalan: Not another parking ticket, Travis! by Ewan

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Servalan: If you'd listened class instead of shooting the teachers you'd be able to read your own letters. Here goes: "Dear Traviwavi..." (Travis Blushes) by Ewan

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Servalan: Don't you have anything but Albatross on this menu? Travis: No, sorry; We only do Albatross! by Ewan

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Servalan: And thats supposed to be a picture of your parents is it? In crayon? So , Travis tell me, Did they naturally have 3 fingers on each hand, one arm longer than the other and big feet, or have you not quite mastered crayon drawings yet? <sneer> by Paul Maddox

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Travis: Yes... I always take my own toilet paper everywhere I go. I have a very sensitive bottom. by Matt

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Travis: Waiter! by Ewan

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Servalan: What ever happened to e-mail? by Ewan

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Travis: Come on Servalan stick to the script. Servalan: I can't help it Travis, I'm in love with Villa and I can't concentrate on my lines. by The Naked Midget

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Travis: How do you like my poem, Supreme Commander? Servalan: Let me see... "There once was a lady from..." Hmm. Mmm. Mm? Oh. [Clears throat.] Well even if it were possible, it doesn't rhyme. by Martin

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travis...its the gas bill love by evil imp

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "Help! I've been kidnapped by Blake. He's torturing me with excerpts from the book 'The evil imp's greatest captions' and won't stop till I talk." by Martin

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Servalan: Travis! Why are you not leading my Federation Attack Force into Space?!? Travis: I did, Supreme Commander. I then received this. Servalan: Your pay-cheque? Travis: Yes. One look and it brought me right back down to Earth. [Uncontrollable fit of laughter.] Get it? Get it? Right back down to Earth. Har har haaaaarrrr!!!! Servalan: [Sigh] You've spent all afternoon thinking that one up haven't you, Travis? by Martin

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travis....heres a note from my mum servalan... what, let me see..."please excuse travis from killing anyone for a couple of weeks as it is 'that time of the month'" travis...(uncomfortable silence) servalan... i see.....can i ask you a questio? travis... ummm ok servalan... do you think im as stupid as i look? travis... errr no servalan, why do you say that? servalan... because i know you had your period last week by evil imp

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travis... heres the bill for my eye, i hope your happy now servalan... 50,000 credits for an eye operation? travis... yes servalan... i hope youve grown attached to that eye patch by evil imp

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"She is a poofter, You might as well shoot her, She looks like a man, Here name is servalan." She ain't very witty, And she's awfully ugly, She takes all of the universe she can, Her name is Servalan." by Servalan

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RRRIIIIPPPPP!!!! Travis: Servalan!! Servalan<embarassed> Opps, hehe, sorry. by :)

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Servalan: Travis, what are you doing in my office with that note? Travis: I-I-I was just...ummm... Servalan: Give it to me you worthless git! Travis: Umm... but... you realy don't want to- Servalan: O just give it to me!!!!....Hey, It's for me.. (now reading) "Roses are red, Rocks are gray, Servalan is quite ugly, and also quite gay"...WHO WROTE THAT!!!! Travis: Ughhhhh, I don't know. But whoever did this should be put do death. No, wait, they should be tortured first then put to de- Servalan(calmly): Travis. Travis: Ughhh, what? Servalaln(calmly) : This is your handwritting... Travis: <gulp> by :)

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'help, im being held prisoner in a toilet roll factory' by evil imp

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Servalan: This is outragouse!!! Travis: What's wrong Servalan? Servalan: We are in the Future and they have the nerve to send me a message on a piece of paper!! by Lechar

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Servalan: What do you mean we won't be in the final episode? by emzi

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travis... this is the last time i take you out, have you seen this bill?, i hope youve brought some money! servalan....ummmmm, oh look, a big distracting thing! by evil imp

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travis...hey look, one of the rebels left this note.. sevalan.... what does it say? travis.... "how do you keep a couple of idiots occupied?...turn over.." servalan.... turn it over then travis "how do you keep a couple of idiots occupied...turn over" servalan....turn it over then, and quick, i havent got all day! travis...."how do you keep......"(repeat ad nausium) by evil imp

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Travis: I'm complaining to the writers about this, I deserve more dialogue. by Martin

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Travis: For christ's sake Servalan, how many times do i have to tell you!!!!!!!! DON'T forget your damm prayer book, i'm sick of sharing mine! by Andy S

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Travis: See this, it's all the special effects department has left for the rest of the season. Servalan: $20000? That's not so bad. Travis: No, not what's written on the paper, the paper itself. Luckily Jim does origami, he says he can make this into anything you want, and you'll never know the difference. by Rory

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Travis: Do you like it? It's a new picture I just drew. See, there's me, hitting Blake with a shovel. Servalan: Very nice dear, I'll put it on the fridge with the others. by Rory

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Travis: Here, read this. Servalan(reading note): Don't look now, but I think there's a camera in the corner. by Rory

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's an extract from the Auron translation of the Bible. It says, "Dedicated to Lilly. All characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious, and resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental..." by Martin

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Servalan: OUCH!!! What did you do that for? Travis: My apologies, Supreme Commander, someone pinned this note to your lower spine. Servalan: Let me see...! "Kick me"?!? Travis: As you wish, Supreme Commander... {Takes aim...} by Martin

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travis....hey look, its this weeks script. servalan.... well read it out then! travis....err ok, hey theres somthing wrong ere servalan....why, what does it say? travis...."ignore this" by evil imp

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Travis: Look at this script. It's appalling. How much do they pay these writers? by Matt

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Travis: I found this picture of you on the internet. Its disgusting! Servalan: Oh..... I remember that. Do you think I got this far in the Federation on my charm alone.....? by Matt

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Can you believe this, the psychiatrist's report says I have an obsessive personality with homicidal tendencies. Naturally, I've had her shot. by Rory

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Travis: Here's my new plan, I'm going to put up lots of these notices around the galaxy saying "Blake is a big girly man". Servalan: You're just not trying anymore are you Space Commander. by Rory

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Isn't that nice, the mutoids had a whip round and got me a birthday card. by Rory

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See, I told you I'm a member of the Supervillains Club, here's my membership card. by Rory

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Look, it says right here, "Travis loves Blake signed Servalan". by Rory

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Travis: And this is a picture of the Spanish Inquisition. Servalan: I didn't expect The Spanish Inquisition. by Rory

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We only need two more numbers and we've won the jackpot! by Arthur Crabtree

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Travis: Well I never ordered the lobster. by John H

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Ticket number 78 in the Deli counter queue. It was the best I could do. by John H

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It's another postal order. by John Harrison

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Who keeps sending us postal orders? by John Harrison

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Travis: A postal order for ten shillings? by John H

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Travis: It's another cheque. I've got a new appeal. Servalan: Think again big boy! by John H

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Travis: It's another cheque Servalan. I've got a new appeal. Servalan: Think again big boy. by John H

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "'Servalan is a wimp' and my mate Travis told me to say that..." TRAVIS!!!!! by Martin

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "Hah! That ring makes you look like a girl, you one-eyed poof." by Martin

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Travis: Is this letter boring you, Supreme Commander? Servalan: Why do you ask? Travis: Well, I've never seen anyone reading with their eyes closed before. by Martin

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Servalan: Hey! It's a page Luke Sutton Captions! Burn it! by Martin

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Travis: It says "I am an alien life-form on a fact-finding mission. I have transformed myself into a piece of paper and I am currently having sex with your fingers. I know you like it too because I see you smiling. Pass me on to someone else because I really feel horny today." Do you want it? by BLZbub

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Servalan: I never should have let you talk me into joining th federation chior, Travis. Travis: "All Things Bright And Beutiful..." by Ewan

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Travis: "It's from Charlotte Church's agent. She's said she will sing at the Federation annual ball". Servalan: "Good. I know kidnapping her teddy would convince her". Travis: "Don't think it made a difference, really. I mean, if she'll sing for George bloody Bush without a qualm then she'd sing for us" by Roderick

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Travis: You told me there would be some carrot cake on this menu... so Where is it!!! by Mistress Tufty

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "Here's looking at you, luv from all the folx doing the Caption Competition!" by Martin

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "OOOOOOO, I can see Servalan's funbags from he-..." WHAT THE HELLLLLL?! by Martin

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "Whoever's holding this letter should get his hair cut." by Martin

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says "Don't go too near Travis, he's got a bomb pinned to his shoulder." by Martin

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Travis: I can't read this, Supreme Commander, it's in some mysterious alien language. Servalan: Let me see... It's in ancient Auron. It says, "If you're reading this, you're peeing down your leg..." by Martin

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Travis: Oi! Do you mind? I don't read your letters do I? by Martin

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Travis: Did you sneeze on my passport photo? by Martin

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TRAVIS: "This is what I did to the first Travis! So never shout at me again, OK!" by Bayban the Baker

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Roses are red Violets are blue Servalan "Who`s forgotten the flowers again?" "Oooh look it`s you !!!" by Magic Pebble

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.....GET OUT OF JAIL FREE..... This card may be kept until needed or sold. by Magic Pebble

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servalan...yes, not a bad drawing for someone with one arm, A+, would you like to show it in assembly? by evil imp

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travis...so as you can see my dear, you have no choice, for i have this photo of you and gan, and theres no denying it would be worth quite a bit to 'the sun', so , will you make me a cup of tea?. servalan stood in shock as she realised travis was right....she would now have to be his teaboy forever. by evil imp

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travis..as you can see from this photo, i have pushed drawing pins into the shaft...hurts like hell you know. servalan..you discust me travis, you really do by evil imp

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Servalan: You look different in this photo... by cik

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Travis "Just when exactly were you going to tell me we were getting married ?" by Magic Pebble

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Servalan: How much are you getting for this episode ? by Simon